Becoming Bella
by bodiesfinallygo
Summary: Imagine if Bella was the old, frozen vampire and Edward was the newborn... what would the story be like then?
1. Chapter 1 Edward

**The characters in the following story are really the creative property of Stephenie Meyer... I'm just messing around =P**

**This is my first fanfic ever. In fact, this is the longest story I've ever written. I'm not totally sure about it, and I don't have a Beta, but if this does well then maybe I'll consider writing more. Since I don't really know if this story is going in a good direction/is good at all, I need you guys to let me know! Please review and tell me if I should keep writing or if I should just give up now!  
**

Chapter 1

Edward

The world has changed immensely in the past century. When I was_ alive_, in the normal sense of the word, the world was unsophisticated; it felt as if I would never truly fit in anywhere. I was a woman in a man's position, something that was almost forbidden in polite society. I was educated, something very rare for females at that time. My grandparents and great-grandparents had been colonists in the Americas, my parents had borne witness to the beginning of the great country we now call the United States. My human father had lived through his time as a soldier, fighting for our freedom from the British. I was a true American.

I still am.

And being a true American, I felt it was my duty to learn about those who lived and worked the land before my ancestors had even dreamed of this territory.

Though it was long ago that I stopped living, through the haze that clouds my memories I remember the drive to find out more. I was always questioning, trying to answer my own problems through research. When I was little there was a mound of Earth that intrigued me so completely that I rarely cared about much else. Every day, after coming home from grade school, I would grab my trowel, a pillowcase, and a paintbrush my father bought for me. Then I would walk half an hour to our mound and dig until dusk. My room was my museum. I put together careful displays with small information cards, explaining what I believed each artifact to be, as well as its use. The origin of the mounds was supposedly a mystery, but I believed I knew the truth.

I was pulled from my reverie by the sound of hooves making their way down the driveway. Had I been reading before I was distracted by my memory? I shrugged, dog-eared my place in the book in my lap, and stood quickly. The sky was beginning to darken – night was quickly approaching.

Carlisle, as usual, was just coming home from work. The war, as well as the influenza, had him working longer hours than usual. So many were dying, but not Carlisle and I. We're immortal, unkillable, frozen stone. We cannot get sick or injured. We can only be destroyed by our own kind.

When Carlisle arrived, he dressed down his steed. I helped to bathe the beast, our usual ritual. Carlisle's perfect face was drawn in concern. Something was bothering my immortal father, and this worried me. Rarely did anything bother him so fully that he would show it on his face. I didn't know if he planned to share his concerns, but I had to trust that if it involved me, he would.

We walked in uncomfortable silence to the main house. When we reached the living room I could no longer take it. My impatience was so great I stooped to small talk with hopes of coercing information from him.

"Did you have a tolerable day today, Carlisle?" I tried not to sound prying, but he knew me better than that.

"Tolerable yes, good? No."

Since when did we keep secrets? For the last 100 years he has revealed everything. We are kindred spirits, both driven to answer the questions that fill our minds; we've read all of the same books, we share every revelation. What isn't he telling me? I assumed that when I asked about work he would have revealed everything.

"That's too bad…would you like to talk about it?"

"Yes, Isa. There's something we must discuss. Please, have a seat?"

I obliged though I was perfectly comfortable standing. I could stand for an eternity without needing to rest, without ever feeling tired. His request had me reeling, he only asked me to sit when there is something of the utmost importance.

"What's wrong, father?" I wasn't used to him looking so uneasy. It is rare for him to frown, but he certainly was frowning then. Even my term of endearment for him didn't turn up his lips.

"As you well know, the influenza has taken an incredible amount of lives." I nodded in acknowledgement. "Many children have left their parents childless, and vice versa. Entire families have died, and continue to die."

I was growing impatient again. I did not usually appreciate being told something I already knew. Carlisle was aware of this.

"Please, Isa, have patience. My dead nerves are run thin…

I have been treating one such family. The father passed yesterday, the mother followed just hours ago. Their only child, Edward, will also soon follow."

I wondered where he was going with this. Although Carlisle worked around his nature in order to help people, never did he feel necessarily attached to them. Our lifestyle is out of the ordinary for our kind. It allows us to be more compassionate towards the humans around us, but to befriend them was completely different. Even Carlisle, the most compassionate of any vampire I had ever met, whose compassion seemed to be a supernatural gift, did not befriend humans. I didn't respond, instead I sat in patient silence for Carlisle to continue.

"I have been caring for this family since they first arrived. The boy is really something: noble, passionate, courageous. I have spent many afternoons by his side, talking to him while he was still responsive. I've come to view the child as a friend. This afternoon I stayed with his mom as her soul passed. She used her last breath to beg me to save her son. Isa, she looked at me as if she _knew_ me. Like she knew the _real_ me, and what I am capable of."

His eyes were wide, still shocked from this revelation. I was trying to discern where he was headed. Was he truly considering…? No, surely not.

There were several moments of silence as Carlisle gathered his thoughts. When he spoke it was slow and deliberate. "I realize that this is not just up to me, but I would very much like to make him part of our family."

He stopped to allow me time to respond. He _was _thinking about changing the boy. I wasn't as sure about the situation. I admitted to myself it would be nice to add another to our ranks, to have another mind, another opinion. If the boy truly was someone Carlisle looked upon so highly, I was certain he would be a good fit.

"What if he rejects our lifestyle, Carlisle? Could you handle releasing another monster amongst the innocent population?"

"I suppose, if that were his decision, it would hurt me. But it would hurt me more to see him die. I'm beginning to look upon him as a son already. Obviously I will respect your decision. Would you like to have a younger brother?"

"How long does he have before his soul passes?"

"Well you know as well as I that this could change, but he will probably be dead in three days' time."

"I will need to consider this for it will not only affect you and me. He, most of all, will be greatly affected by our decisions."

"Indeed my dear. Until then, shall we hunt? If I will be changing the boy, I must be sure my thirst is well-sated."

"I agree it would be good strategy. We should venture farther out of the area – you need predators to control your thirst. Though truly your control is exceptional, and your love of all things living will be, more than likely, enough to keep you from killing the boy. It certainly was enough to save me." I smiled warmly at my father as I put my hand on his shoulder, nodding in the direction of the forest.

"After you, father."

We sped at lightening speed through the trees, up into Canada where the wildlife population is greater. The entire time my mind was preoccupied, mulling over the idea of a new family member. More than that, I remembered what it was like when Carlisle changed me. It was absolutely terrifying and more painful than anything I had ever felt in my human life. Though I never experienced the pain of childbirth, I knew the burning had to be worse. With my perfect memory I could remember every tiny detail, every lick of flame, with perfect clarity.

I was out in the field, working on the research that was to eventually become my master's thesis. I was lucky. Most females during that time did not go to school. My father valued his education, and though he wished that I would follow in the footsteps of the other local girls and have a family, he was proud that I had a craving for knowledge. I knew he saw much of himself in me, and that compelled him to help me get the education he believed I deserved. He fought to get me a spot in the University, and once I was there I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Archaeology had always been my passion, and so it would continue.

Most archaeologists at the time were rich old men hiring laborers to find artifacts for their personal collections. My definition of archaeology was scholarly, a thirst to understand the people that lived in our country before it was ours – the people that this land rightly belonged to. I was digging on my own one evening. I knew at the time that it was much too late to still be in the field, that other archaeologists had disappeared after staying too late at their sites before. I couldn't bring myself to leave. I had uncovered a very interesting burial with numerous meaningful artifacts like shell beads and ceremonial bowls filled with corn, as well as several human skeletons laid in seemingly random patterns. I was completely perplexed and did not want to stop digging until I could no longer see my hands in front of me.

As twilight approached I heard a hurried rustling in the forest behind me, and then all I felt was pain. It hit me before I had a chance to turn toward the sound. The all-engrossing fire that meant venom was spreading through my veins. Of course I didn't know that at the time, all I knew was I felt I was being burned alive for no reason. I hadn't seen a flame before the burning hit and I couldn't imagine what was happening to me. It had been a truly terrifying experience. After a short time that felt like forever I was able to open my eyes, which should have been impossible. I knew that after being burned for so long I should have been dead, or at least almost dead and certainly in massive amounts of pain. But in those moments before I was alert the fire had slowly died, drained out of my limbs and my body and centered itself in my throat. My heart sputtered weakly a few times before giving out, and then my eyes shot open.

It was incredibly confusing, the clarity of my senses. Not just my vision but my smell and taste and touch and sound. It was all too much. My mind felt expansive, like I could hold and process endless amounts of information. I was feeling at least ten distinct emotions at once: fear, curiosity, confusion, guilt, embarrassment, gratitude, disgust, devastation, mourning. But, most of all, _pain_. My throat felt like I had been drinking sand, scratchy and raw and burning. I felt that instinctively I knew there was something that would help to soothe the pain, but I didn't know what it was. As my eyes took in my surroundings I realized I was no longer in the field I had been researching for so long. I was in the woods, in a secluded area I did not recognize. I had no idea where I was, all I knew was there was a very attractive blond man sitting across from me, though at the time he was not as clean as he is now. His clothes were filthy, his hair a mess. He looked sick with worry, like he was the cause of my pain and that knowledge was making him ill. I knew at that moment that I should probably have hated him, but I knew I couldn't. He looked so fully repentant for whatever it was that he had done to me. Obviously I was still alive, so I didn't understand why he was so upset. Though, soon I realized I might not be as much alive as I thought. It took me a while to comprehend that my heart was not beating and that though I was breathing, there was no relief with the action. No oxygenated blood flowing through my heart to keep my organs alive.

I was dead and terrified, but I had Carlisle. He took me on my first hunt right away, pointing me in the direction of mountain lions and bears to eat. I knew what to do immediately, though I also knew that these beasts didn't exactly smell like something I _wanted_ to eat. I knew there was something out there that had to be more appetizing, but I knew that listening to Carlisle was probably the right thing to do.

When I finally found out what I had become I was immediately grateful to Carlisle for not allowing me to eat our natural prey, and I have never swayed from our lifestyle. The night Carlisle changed me was his one and only slip, and something we don't often talk about. I know he still regrets changing me since I had a full and healthy life ahead of me. I also know that the fact that the boy, Edward, was so close to death was the only reason why Carlisle considered changing him.

When I emerged from my thoughts we had already drained more than our fair share of blood, leaving several lifeless corpses each in our wake.

I could not blame Carlisle for changing me. He had been hunting in the woods nearby and I was merely in the wrong place at the wrong time, he caught my scent and was unable to stop in time. He bit me and, realizing his mistake, pulled away. Something that is nearly impossible for a vampire. He admitted that he considered trying to drain the venom from my veins in an attempt to save me, but when he imagined doing it he knew he would be unable to stop. He had to allow the change otherwise he would have killed me completely. He admitted this to me, full of shame for his actions, and I could not hate him. At first I was angry but I never left his side. Now there is a hundred years since and it is as if none of that had ever happened. Carlisle and I belonged together.

And though we belonged together, we were not mated. Nor would we ever be. I've always looked upon Carlisle as my father and he upon me as his daughter. We're also best friends and research partners. I would have it no other way. Still, I felt sad for him sometimes, wishing that I could have made him happy in that way. He truly deserved to have someone special in his life though he and I both acknowledged that I was not the one to fill that roll. We were happy with our life together, but I knew we both yearned for something more. That physical connection that makes you naturally and irrationally tied to someone else.

A strange thought occurred to me but I quickly brushed it to the side.

When the sun began to rise we returned home in silence. We had not spoken since we left the house earlier and I did not intend to be the first to change that. I knew I needed to give him an answer soon but I was truly torn. The curiosity was bubbling up inside of me and I no longer wanted to hold in my questions.

"What's he like?" I whispered almost too quietly even for Carlisle's advanced hearing.

"Right now his main interest is fighting for his country. He very much wants to be a part of the war and he's just weeks away from his eighteenth birthday. Other than that he loves his mother, father, and country. He's very bright, though at this point I don't think education interests him. He's an old soul and I doubt he fit in much with the other kids, not that he would want to. He seems to get along better with adults, and he's an incredibly good judge of character. That's about as much as I could get from him, as I said he's lost his alertness and is slowly losing his battle with the virus. He's much like I assume you probably were when I… well, anyway you probably seemed a lot older than you were."

Ah, Carlisle was still hurting over what he did to me. I wished there was something I could do to sooth his pain._ I hope he doesn't regret changing the boy_, I thought.

I opened my mouth to speak but Carlisle interrupted me. "It was his mother that made me actually consider it. The look of anguish on her face at the thought of her son dying is impossible to describe. I couldn't imagine anything happening to you and I felt her pain in that moment. Isa, I need to help this woman. I can't explain it I've never felt this way about anyone before. I need to do something to make her death seem worth it. I treat people every day but they all die, whether now or several years in the future. For once I would like one of my patients to live, and I think this boy deserves a second chance. He is pure of heart and I believe he might be gifted if he is changed." His voice became so quiet as he uttered the last sentence that it came out barely as more than a whisper.

"What makes you think that, father?" He knew by voicing those thoughts he would pique my scientific interest, forcing me to follow through to find out the truth.

"As I said he's a good judge of character, frighteningly good. I can't explain it, but he knows people before they even speak. I'm guessing he reads their body language, but he can tell what someone is thinking just by looking at them. I believe this is a strong quality of his personality that might follow through to this world, perhaps even transform into something more powerful. Obviously this is not the main reason why I would like to save the boy but it is certainly intriguing."

Intriguing indeed. I considered his words for a few more moments before coming to a decision. My eyes widened and I looked at my father with worry etched on my face.

"How do we do this?"

For a moment he seemed as if he didn't understand my question. Then slowly recognition passed over his features before he rearranged them into an eager expression. "I've been planning since I left the hospital yesterday evening. It shouldn't be too difficult to bring him here, I can just report him deceased. No one would think anything of me taking a body to the mortuary. You could be waiting to remove him and bring him here to the house. The bodies are all buried together and no one checks to make sure they're all present. You'll need to be careful as you make your way here with him and take care not to jostle him for it could be his death. Lay him on the sofa and wait for me to return. I will escape from the hospital as soon as possible to come here and do what needs to be done. After, I will have to return to work so no one suspects anything. You will have to watch over him, do you think you can handle it?"

Had I not been just as good at our lifestyle as he? "Of course. Shall I follow you to work?"

"Yes, I believe that would be best. The most important part is, and you _must _remember this, you _cannot_ be seen."

"Don't worry father, I certainly was not born recently." I mused. He smiled in apology. He knows how much I hate being taught things I already know.

We smiled at each other one last time before parting ways. He left to change clothes and prepare his horse for travel. I followed him into work as planned and waited in the mortuary where all of the victims of the influenza were laid. There were so many that the smell was overwhelming. I had to concentrate on my thoughts in order to wait there patiently.

I thought about this boy and what he would be missing by dying so young. Although Carlisle said he was determined to fight for his country. So many young soldiers marched to their immediate deaths in the war. If the influenza hadn't claimed his life, it certainly would have been musket fire or mustard gas. I wondered if there was a girl out there that loved him and would miss him when he was gone. Seventeen is such a young age to die and it was then that I understood why Carlisle couldn't just watch it happen to this child. Not after becoming somewhat involved in his life and caring for him to some degree. I wondered how I would feel about him after he was changed, what kind of person he would be. At first, at least for a year or so, he probably would not be himself. All he would care about is thirst, or at least I did when I was a newborn. Carlisle and I had to live as nomads until my newborn thirst was sated and I could live amongst humans. He never allowed me to kill an innocent and I was thankful. I couldn't imagine the regret and self-loathing that would come out of such an event and I'm glad I haven't experienced that pain.

I acknowledged it would be strange to be able to confide in someone other Carlisle. For the last century the only person that has known the real me is my father. Everyone else knows me as either a professor or a student, depending on the decade. I always specialize in archaeology because it's ever changing. New techniques and more objective analyses were coming out every year. I was constantly learning new ways to do what I've been doing since I was young and it never ceased to excite me. I always find it somewhat humorous now that I'm over a century old because I'm an artifact myself. I teach students about the history of the field of archaeology and I studied it before it was an organized discipline.

My other curiosities were shared with Carlisle, the human body and its inner workings. Also this strange predicament he and I find ourselves in. We should be dead but instead we walk and talk and breathe and think. In fact you could even say we're more _evolved_ than the human population, while still holding on to certain primitive characteristics. Carlisle and I have spent years searching for truths to our existence. We spent an entire decade reading the library of the Volturi, absorbing their case studies and sadistic research. While their volumes were informative they were very hard to read for people such as Carlisle and myself.

Suddenly I remembered where I was and the task at hand. I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of Carlisle's voice just outside of the room. After a few moments he entered alone and shut the door behind him. As soon as it was safe I left my refuge in the shadows to join him at his side. I swiftly picked the boy up in my arms as Carlisle wrapped the blanket more tightly around him. I waited for my father to peek outside the door to make sure no one was near before slipping out and racing home with my precious cargo. He was so hot with fever that his heat seemed to warm my shriveled insides. I could feel it radiating through my body, warming the blood of the animals I hunted last night as it coursed through my usually empty veins. The sensation was unreal and felt unnatural. Veins are made to have warm blood coursing through them. My cold, empty veins are unnatural. Soon this warm, normal boy would be unfortunate enough to be like me. I didn't hate my existence as an immortal, but I didn't like the monster that lived in me. I didn't like the primal nature inherent in my psyche.

I reached the house and laid him on the sofa as planned. I tucked the sheets more tightly around him and took a step back from his sleeping figure. It was then that I looked at _him_ for the first time. Edward was attractive even as a human. His strong brow and angular features were something to admire. His skin was a warm tan, not too dark but not too pale. Certainly nothing compared to the deathly pallor of my own skin. His hair was a strange brown color with reds and blonds mixed in, almost like bronze and stuck out in every direction. After seeing him I felt a sudden surge of excitement and some other emotion I didn't recognize. I couldn't explain it but something shifted in me, and I could not wait for him to wake up. I was ready for a change in my perpetually unchanging life. Hopefully he liked me and enjoyed my company. As a human I didn't have too many friends and though I count Carlisle as such, he's also somewhat of an authority figure to me.

I waited patiently for Carlisle to come home, frozen in a standing position near where the boy lay. It wasn't long before my father rushed in through the back door, slamming it behind him. He looked worried as he concentrated on the task at hand. He was going to have to bite this boy without drinking. I had never seen this done before, the only time I had been present for something like this was at my own changing. I was too incapacitated to remember the experience and I was not prepared to see my father sink his teeth into the throat of an innocent human being. Several emotions ran through me at once. Disgust at what Carlisle was doing but envy also, wishing I could taste the sweet warm nectar flowing through the boy. I had to fight my nature for the scent of the blood that permeated the air was strong and tasty. Self-loathing took over as I realized how much I wanted to kill him and steal the hot liquid in his veins. I backed away at that moment for I realized I'd never smelled flowing human blood and it was indeed an irresistible scent. I still don't know how Carlisle handles it every day.

He pulled back abruptly and threw himself across the room. He'd done it, the boy's heart still beat strong and the venom was evident in his scent. It was enough to stop my need to attack, diluting the beautiful scent of his blood. Carlisle composed himself in the corner then slipped out of the house to return to work.

Not too long after, the screaming started.

Carlisle returned several hours later. The boy was still screaming seemingly at the top of his lungs. He'd screamed all day and I literally hadn't moved since Carlisle left.

"The change should only last a couple of days. He has no serious traumatic damage for the venom to repair so it should be quick. I don't have to work tomorrow, so I will be able to stay here with you until it's over. How are you doing, Isa?" He looked concerned. What did he see in my face that would make him worry about me?

"I'm fine, father, why do you ask?"

"You looked stressed. Are you sure you're okay with staying here? Now that I'm back you're free to go hunting if you need to get away."

"No, please Carlisle, I'm fine. I just feel so bad for the boy that I wish I could do something for him. He's in so much pain and it's strangely hard for me to bear. I don't know him but I feel attached to him already." It was strange to admit out loud but after studying his features and thinking about what Carlisle had told me of his life I felt very protective of him. All I wanted was for him to finish changing and wake up so that I would know he was okay. My father's brow furrowed in concern.

"I'm sorry I had to expose you to human blood. I realized after I left that it's something you've never experienced and I immediately felt guilty for making you go through that. It must have been hard for you to watch me bite him without wanting to attack."

"I was very envious of you in that moment but almost as quickly as I felt it, it passed and was replaced by regret. All I want is for him to wake up and be okay."

"You truly are amazing, Isa. Even I have slipped once, you are evidence of that. How proud I am that my only child borne out of an accident has better control than I." His voice cracked and I was sad again. I didn't want Carlisle to regret his mistakes.

"Please Carlisle, I've told you many times. I look upon the intersection of our lives as a blessing, not a curse. I like this life that we have and would not change it, even to be human again. Do you believe me?"

"Yes, thank you Isa, I do believe you. It's just hard for me to grasp considering the future you had ahead of you."

"I would have had a very difficult life and never gained the respect I deserved. At least with you I'm an equal in every way, intellectually and physically. I like my life Carlisle, and I'm sure that Edward will as well." I smiled warmly at him, though I wasn't so sure of my own words. While I certainly _hoped_ that the boy would accept his new lifestyle easily, it was possible that he would not appreciate it as I did.

"Thank you for being so gracious my dear. Anyway, if you need to hunt I can watch over the boy." He responded after a moment's silence.

"No really, I'm fine. I'm still satisfied from last night. I feel like I shouldn't leave his side, it's strange. I wonder what he will be like, if he will in fact have a gift as you suspect. If so, I'm glad that the Volturi didn't get a hold of him first. I imagine that his will be a gift of the mind and something that Aro will covet." I said thoughtfully. Carlisle and I moved to sit on the other couch, across the living room from the boy. He appeared to be deep in thought with what looked like a hint of a smile but I couldn't be sure. We rarely sat next to each other, so we stayed on opposite sides of the sofa, careful not to invade the other's space.

"Yes I have also considered this. If he is indeed gifted we will have to work to keep Aro in the dark. We certainly wouldn't want him to become a part of their coven. If it comes to it, you may have to travel to Volterra alone so as not to allow Aro a glimpse of him." He said after some time.

Aro was, for lack of a better word, the King of our world. He could read anyone's thoughts with a single touch. Any thought one has had in their lifetime is visible to Aro. There was only one exception to his gift and I am it. I am what they called a shield. As the name suggests I can shield my mind from any mental attack. In our world there are many vampires that have gifts pertaining to the mind. Jane, also a member of the Volturi, can cause anyone insurmountable agony just by looking at them. She causes the mind to imagine pain, thus making it feel real while not actually causing bodily harm. Her gift does not penetrate my shield either.

Because of this Aro invited me to join his guard many years ago when Carlisle and I were in Volterra. It was very gracious of him to allow us access to his personal library. His friendship with my father compelled him to let us in, but he wanted to keep me for himself. He tried to persuade me to stay but ultimately we came back to the United States. We have not been in contact with them since.

This no doubt angers Aro, and I'm sure he's waiting for an opportunity to take me for himself.

But none of it mattered at that moment. All I could think of was the boy on the floor. We moved him from the sofa for no doubt the texture of the fabric was uncomfortable against his burning skin. His screams continued until the following night. Neither Carlisle nor I left his side the entire time. We were so engrossed we let our nature take over, like two frozen statues. Normally we had to make a conscious effort to fidget and move around in order to look more human. During that time neither of us cared. All we cared about was our new family member.

I could hear his heart beat get fractionally stronger mid afternoon on the second day of the change. He was still screaming but the quality of his voice was changing. His features were more defined and he looked completely changed on the outside. He was exquisite in his beauty. All of the boyish padding in his face and jaws was burned away leaving his stone hard skin stretched tightly over strong features. He looked ethereal with his eyes closed, his thick lashes fanning out over the tops of his cheeks. His scent changed as well. He smelled like a vampire, somewhat sickly sweet. There were also the wonderful scents of lilac, honey, and something that seemed like sunshine on a perfect day. It was the loveliest scent I had ever smelled.

Carlisle and I exchanged meaningful glances. He'd heard the change in Edward's heart as well.

"It will be done soon. He's perfect, Isa! Look at him!" He was excited. I was too. Nothing like this had ever happened to me and the excitement was bubbling up from deep within my long dead heart. Any moment he would wake up and behold his new family. Would he accept us and love us as we loved him? I was expecting him to be confused and scared but unsure of how I would take it when it happened. I didn't think I could handle his rejection, and neither could Carlisle. We were already too attached.

The sun was setting and Edward's screams died down while his heart sped up to an uncontrollable pace. It continued to speed until it sounded like it would pop out of his chest. It beat at this pace for a few seconds before stopping.

And so it was over. He would wake up any moment.


	2. Chapter 2 Awakening

**All Characters, etc, are the property of Stephenie Meyer! Not mine, I'm just posing =P**

**Sorry it took a while to get this chapter out. I hope you enjoy it as much as the first! Let me know what you think. ****Thanks to everyone who reviewed!**** Also, sorry if the formatting is crazy, I'm still figuring out how to upload everything correctly =/ **

Chapter 2

Awakening

After several agonizing seconds his eyes shot open. He scanned the ceiling above him, no doubt overwhelmed by the clarity of his new vision. I was so anxious I was shaking.

He jumped off of the floor and backed against a wall, startled by Carlisle and me. Neither of us breathed for a moment, allowing him time to familiarize himself with our home. Then I spoke.

"Edward?" I looked him in his bright cherry red eyes, "you're safe we won't hurt you."

He lifted his eyebrows and tilted his head in curiosity. "Who are you?" he asked loudly. He was starting to tense. "Where am I?"

Carlisle stepped forward slightly and Edward twitched backward. "We're your friends, Edward. I was your doctor at the hospital. Do you remember being sick? You and your family were under my care."

I could see the wheels turning in his head. He was trying to remember his human life from just days ago. "I had the influenza. Am I healed? Can I fight?"

"No, son, you can't join the war. You're not healed, not really. Just different." Carlisle replied calmly.

"What do you mean, different? I mean I can tell I'm different, but how?" He looked like he was going to explode with emotion. This was normal for a newborn and something we would have to deal with for quite some time. No doubt he was experiencing sensory overload and needed some time to adjust.

His hand shot up and grabbed his throat unconsciously. He was in pain, he needed to hunt.

Carlisle and I exchanged looks before my father spoke again. "I know this must be very confusing for you but you need to eat, it's the only way to make your throat feel better. Do you want to follow us? We'll show you how to make the pain go away. We will take care of you." Carlisle's voice was so calm and soothing that the boy almost looked hypnotized as he nodded his head. Carlisle turned and ran through the back door. I waited for Edward to follow behind our father so I could take my place in the back; I wanted to make sure we kept a good watch on him so he couldn't do anything he would regret.

We took him up to Canada to hunt predators. After he had his fill of mountain lion we sat around a nearby stream so we could all clean ourselves up. Edward seemed to be raging an emotional battle with himself. He looked as though he wanted to ask questions but wasn't sure he wanted to know the answers. I tried not to stare at him, but I wanted to talk to him. I was desperate to know what he was like and what he thought of his new form of sustenance.

"Where are my parents?" he asked after quite some time. I let Carlisle do the talking.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Edward, but they're gone. The influenza took them, they're at peace."

"Why am_ I_ not at peace? Why am I killing mountain lions with my bare hands and teeth? Drinking their blood like a demon? What have you done to me?"

His reaction was agonizing. I had worried he would not appreciate his new life and what we do to stay alive. I didn't realize how much it would hurt me. For the first time in my existence as an immortal I was ashamed of myself. Why did we do this to him? He didn't ask for this.

Pain was evident on Carlisle's face as well. When he spoke his voice was calm, "Your mother asked me to save you Edward. She begged me to do anything I had to in order to keep you alive. She looked at me like she knew what I was capable of, like she was asking me to do this to you. It was your mother's dying request."

"What am I?" He asked softly, his face contorted in rage and pain.

This time I replied, "You're a vampire, Edward."

Several seconds passed and Edward didn't move a muscle. He was a perfect statue, frozen by stress and anxiety. Certainly he had to be feeling much the same as I did my first day.

"I thought… _vampires_… were supposed to drink the blood of humans, not animals?"

He hesitated on the word but said it nonetheless.

Carlisle spoke again, "Most of our kind do, but we are different. We have worked our entire existence to resist human blood and only take the lives of animals. We would prefer to not kill at all for we truly are peaceful people. The others of our kind are not so peaceful and are very different from us. They consider themselves better than humans, viewing them only as something to eat and nothing to be respected. We on the other hand are full of love and compassion for the human race and do not wish to sacrifice any of their lives for our personal gain."

"Then why did you kill me?" He accused with acid in his voice.

"You were close to death Edward. You're only seventeen and you were going to die just weeks before you turned eighteen. I couldn't let that happen, you're smart and talented and I think that you could do a lot of good with your life. Also for your mother, I promised I would do everything I could to save you but there wasn't much else I could do. You wouldn't be alive right now if I hadn't done something to save you. I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted but there's nothing I can do to change my decision now. I would have asked you but you were unconscious and unresponsive. Isa," he waved at me in a sort of introduction. I nodded in response, "and myself discussed it before we acted. We've both been on this earth for a very long time and thought what we were doing was for the best."

The boy considered this for around half an hour in complete silence, Carlisle and I stayed frozen while we waited for him to speak again. His expression was pensive, his mouth pulled into a deep frown. I was sure he had an incredible number of questions. I just hoped he wouldn't lose his temper and figure out just how much stronger than us he actually was.

Suddenly, he broke the silence.

"I wouldn't say _that._" He said out of nowhere.

I looked at him, wondering to whom he was speaking. No one had spoken for several moments; in fact, we were completely still.

I was then very concerned about this child's mind.

"I'm sorry?" Carlisle asked.

"You said that I was doing a good job controlling my emotions. I said I 'I wouldn't say that' because in my head I'm feeling at least ten intense feelings all at once." He replied with a strained voice and wide eyes.

Carlisle looked completely bewildered. What was going on? Carlisle hadn't spoken, yet it appeared as if he knew exactly what Edward was referring to.

"Yes." Edward said again, responding to a question that no one asked.

"Edward, I didn't speak that question out loud." Carlisle said. And suddenly, I knew exactly what was going on. The boy had a gift of the mind as I suspected.

"Excuse me? What do you mean, I heard you loud and clear?" Edward looked very worried and I had a feeling he was quickly approaching a melt down.

"Carlisle, perhaps we should return to the house before we discuss this any further?" Hopefully Carlisle would understand that Edward needed time to calm before we explained gifts. "Unless you're still thirsty Edward?"

"No, I think I'm well fed for now," was his reply. When he said this he looked at me with intense but curious eyes. He certainly was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions and each one of them flashed across his perfect features.

His voice was velvet and I hadn't really taken the time to appreciate it for what it was. It was like music and I found myself wishing he would keep speaking just so I could hear it.

He was still staring at me when Carlisle cleared his throat and turned in the direction of our departure. As we ran I wondered about the boy's thoughts, as well as whether or not he could hear me. I doubted it, my shield usually blocked gifts like his.

Though if he truly could read people's minds just by being near them there surely would be no way to keep Aro from seeking him out. I was sure Carlisle had the same thought – Edward was probably growing more concerned by the second.

When we arrived we went inside immediately and sat down in the living room. Carlisle and I sat rather, Edward paced furiously. He had his arms crossed about his chest with one hand angled up near his face, his first two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. I mused that this was an unconscious habit left over from his human life and watched in fascination.

"So you're saying I'm reading your thoughts right now?" Edward asked somewhat frantically.

"Yes, I believe so. Can you describe to me what you see or hear?" Carlisle replied. He was always curious for which I was grateful. He was asking the questions I, too, wanted answered.

"It sounds like you're speaking to me out loud I suppose, but I just noticed it's really not something I hear with my ears. I hear it loud and clear, but I can only hear you. Unless she just isn't thinking of anything," he nodded in my direction, "which I find highly unlikely."

"Just like you Edward, I too have a gift. It's known in our world as a shield and will block any mental intrusions. I suppose yours is included considering you just confirmed my suspicions that you don't know my mind. Can you hear anyone else now? We're still several miles from our neighbors but it's possible your 'hearing' could reach farther." I was apprehensive to admit what I could do because he seemed upset that he couldn't hear me. He stared at me for several moments before speaking.

"No, just Carlisle," He hesitated for a moment before speaking again, "Can I ask you both some personal questions?" He asked tentatively.

"Of course, we're family now if you'll have us." I smiled warmly at him and he seemed to calm at the sight. Had I not smiled since he awoke? I suddenly realized that I had been inexcusably rude to the poor boy by not appearing welcoming in the least. I'm sure it looked as though I was glaring at him the entire time when in actuality I was simply stressed and intrigued by his awakening. He didn't realize how big of a deal it was for such a change to occur in a vampire's life. Carlisle and I have lived the same monotonous life day after day, night after night, for over a century. We mostly kept to ourselves, only working because our careers brought us happiness.

While I had not yet experienced the feeling of such a complete change, Carlisle had. Killing me changed him completely. He was already a compassionate man before he happened upon me, but he was not as confident in his abilities to withstand temptation. Now he was a caregiver to the sick, dealing with fresh flowing blood every day without a second thought.

A few more moments of silence stretched between us. Edward seemed to be calming and he finally sat down on the couch next to me. He still looked very scared, and yet very fascinated with me. He was staring at me from where he sat, no doubt examining every small feature of my face with his new vision. I could see him breathing my scent in deeply through his nose and mouth. Then he turned to Carlisle and did the same.

"There are so many different smells mixed together it's overwhelming. I don't even know how to describe most of it. Does it get easier to handle everything?"

"Yes it does. You are a newborn and must give yourself time to adjust. Our minds work much faster than you're accustomed to. We have the capacity to think of many things at one time with perfect clarity. It makes our emotions difficult to control at first, but it gets much easier. You learn to focus on one thing at a time while keeping tabs on others in the back of your mind. It will be harder for you of course, because of your gift. Despite that, I promise it will get easier." I looked straight into his eyes and tried hard to look caring. I wanted him to feel comfortable and trust us.

He turned to look at our father. "How old are you Carlisle?"

"I'm over two centuries old. I happened upon Isa in 1800 and she became the first member of my family. I never thought I would do this to another person. Please forgive me if my selfishness has caused you pain."

Sweet, loving Carlisle. I could see the pain and regret over changing me had now doubled or tripled in size for adding yet another poor soul to this family. I hoped he recovered from this regret faster than before considering the boy had been destined to die soon anyway.

"Were you dying as well?" He turned to me and gazed into my eyes curiously.

"Umm…No. I was doing research for my master's thesis at a prehistoric site near my home in Maryland. I was stupidly there very late in the evening, much too late for a defenseless human. Carlisle was hunting in the woods nearby and caught my scent. He was unable to stop himself before biting but he obviously did eventually, otherwise I wouldn't be here now. I owe him my life." My tone became somewhat dreamlike toward the end of my speech. I was desperate for Carlisle to see that I didn't care what happened all of those years ago. I also wanted Edward to see and hopefully be reassured that this life is not as bad as he must think.

"But he has not made another mistake since, and neither have I. Neither of us has killed a human since that day. We respect humans and animals alike and believe in redemption for our sins. There is no denying that we are monsters, but we try very hard not to be. We encourage you to stay with us and commit to our lifestyle. If you should decide you are not satisfied with your life here, I implore you to stay with us until your newborn bloodlust has been quenched. If it happens that you taste human blood and decide it's for you, then you will have to leave our family. We will not tolerate the slaughtering of innocent people. That being said, I sincerely hope that you decide to stay." I slowly reached out to pat the back of his hand with my fingers. He seemed to shudder slightly from the sensation but he did not pull away or overreact, which honestly is what I expected.

"What are we going to do now, Carlisle?" I asked suddenly. A thought had occurred to me that I had not yet considered. "Should we escape to the woods for a time to live in the forest as we did when I was new? Remember the newborn thirst? What if he comes across someone here, so close to the city?"

"I have already turned in my resignation with the hospital. We can go as soon as you are both ready." Carlisle admitted. I wondered why he hadn't told me this sooner.

"Yes I think I'd like to continue to avoid humans if possible. I would prefer to participate in your lifestyle over being a demon monster."

Carlisle laughed without humor. "You say that now, but we'll see how you feel if you smell a human before you're ready."

I smiled reassuringly at the boy one more time before standing.

"When should we leave then?" I asked of both men.

"Can we wait a little while? I think I'd like some time to think alone please. Is there a separate room where I can rest?"

He thought he still needed rest. I wondered how disappointed he would be when he found that he could get no pleasure from closing his eyes other than clearing his vision and opening his mind.

"Yes, I'll show you your room. It's this way." I took him down the hallway to the third room that was never used. I made sure to keep the entire house clean and tidy, but this room was slightly dustier than the others from disuse. There was a comfortable sofa under a large window in the back of the room and a wall covered in books. Carlisle and I had hundreds of books in every room of every house that we owned.

"No bed?" he asked sounding slightly disappointed.

"No, Edward, I'm sorry. We don't sleep, I'm afraid. We truly are creatures of the night." I smiled at the thought though I could see he did not find it funny.

He would see the humor eventually.

"That's why we have all of these books, there's a lot of time to waste when you don't sleep. You're welcome to read whichever ones you'd like while we're here."

"Thank you. That's too bad though, I enjoy dreaming very much… what year were you born, Isa?" I had turned to leave the room so he said the last part I supposed to make me stay.

"In 1780. I'm from Maryland, my ancestors were colonists of this country."

"That's incredible. You look so young. So you were twenty when you died? How old was Carlisle?"

"He was only slightly older than me, though he was considerably wiser. I had become so focused on my education and defying the rules of society that I cared little for much else. Carlisle was taking up the reigns of his father, hunting vampires in Europe when he was turned. You should really ask him to tell you the story, as it is somewhat personal."

"So you both _assumed_ that since you didn't have a problem with your change that I wouldn't either?" It was amazing how quickly his mood changed: he was now in the beginnings of a newborn mood swing. Such is the reality of caring for newborns, they can be totally calm and seemingly content one moment and violently angry the next. And though I knew I needed to tread carefully, I couldn't help myself from getting angry back.

"Please understand Edward, we each considered how we felt about our own change, but unfortunately our selfishness took over and we couldn't resist the thought of adding another to our family. We meant you no harm. In fact we hoped that you would appreciate our saving you from such a young death. The lifestyle Carlisle and I have chosen causes us to attach to our coven members stronger than others of our kind. We crave love and friendship, and the idea of adding another to our family was irresistible for us. I see now that you're not happy with our decision and I apologize. If you'd like to go ahead and die as you were supposed to I'm sure we can have it arranged. It's very difficult and very painful, but it can be done."

I didn't mean for this to sound like a threat and I knew it probably was not a good idea for me to taunt a newborn. All I wanted was for him to see that he had options and he didn't have to live this life that we condemned him to.

He definitely took it as a threat and reacted appropriately. He hissed and growled loudly as he coiled to attack. Carlisle was there in an instant to calm the situation. He glared at me disapprovingly.

"Edward, you deserve an apology on our part for not considering your feelings enough in the matter, but Isa did not mean to threaten your life. She simply meant to inform you of your options if that is what you desire. We are no longer going to make your decisions for you. Your future path is completely up to you."

"I think for now we should escape to the forest and see where things go from there…" He said after a moment of hesitation. Slowly, his muscles relaxed.

"Absolutely Edward. We're your family and we'll follow you wherever you go." Carlisle replied sweetly.

"Thank you Carlisle. I'm sorry Isa I did not mean to react so harshly. It's hard to control my emotions. I don't understand how I've reacted until I've already done it. Please forgive me?"

His eyes were impossible to resist and I couldn't say no. His silky voice was incredible when he used it in full force. Was it possible for our predatory lures to work on other vampires rather than just humans?

Perhaps it was his innocence that made him so intriguing to me. Also his gift, as it was so exactly like his human talents it was mind boggling. Carlisle and I would have to talk about that later.

"Of course I forgive you. What you're going through is very difficult and I understand that." I said soothingly.

Earlier the boy had mentioned a desire to be alone, so I turned to leave – this time, he didn't stop me.

Carlisle followed me out into the living room and closed the door behind him, leaving Edward to his thoughts.

We sat there in silence, each thinking of a plan for the coming months. We were going to need to think carefully in order to keep Edward from doing anything he would regret. After a while, I spoke as quietly as possible so the boy could not hear.

"What do you think of his gift, Carlisle?"

"I think that if they find out about him it will not be long before Aro comes knocking on our door."

"I have been thinking the same thing."


	3. Chapter 3 Empty

**All characters, etc, in the following story are the creative property of Stephenie Meyer!**

**So I apologize for how short and lame this chapter may seem, but I promise it's necessary! Hopefully you like it!**

Chapter 3

Empty

For the year following Edward's change, the three of us lived as nomads. We traveled from forest to forest, allowing Edward to hunt as often as he needed. The moving was necessary so we did not deplete any particular wildlife population; also so no one would see us. Several times we had near encounters with hunters or hikers traveling in close proximity to our camp, at which point we would abandon it and set up elsewhere. Carlisle and I were always careful not to let Edward get too close to humans, but he inevitably was able to smell them at those moments. And though we were sure he caught their scent, he never showed any desire to return and hunt them.

Being in the woods meant having little to do to pass the time but explore, hunt, talk and think. Luckily for me I was always intrigued by what I might find on the forest floor; be it animal bones, unfamiliar flora, or even interesting species of insects. I mostly kept to myself, though I wished badly that Edward would join me. He, too, kept to himself, and I found that even when Carlisle and I carried on conversations the boy rarely joined us. He was no doubt discouraged by his physical age – 18 and 140 are two very different ages – and I was sure he felt especially disconnected from Carlisle for that same reason.

Sometimes I would travel to whatever town might be close by, usually under cover of night, to buy some new books for us to read. We always went through them more quickly than we could buy them, but it was a treat to pass the time. After we each finished a book we'd pass it around until we'd read every one. They were mostly history books and language books, some about modern technology, and some fiction. I tried to get a good mix of topics but I didn't do very well.

The rare moments when Edward did talk to us it was almost always about the books we were reading. Carlisle and I were happy to discuss them and often we'd spend hours talking about everything we'd read while hiding. Occasionally he would look at Carlisle disapprovingly, and I always assumed it was because our father was thinking of something questionable. This always made me laugh, and I often found myself watching Edward's face for any type of reaction. I also mused at guessing my father's thoughts, which kept me sufficiently entertained.

I held on to the hope that, one day, Edward would warm up to us. He was so young with an eternity ahead of him but he didn't seem to care. It was almost as if he was brooding about something, but what it was I couldn't be sure. I tried talking to him on several occasions, but he always cut our conversations short. He was never rude, always a gentleman. He excused himself when needed, always said "please" and "thank you". He did as he was told by Carlisle and worked hard on his control.

Regardless of his manners, after around eight months or so he rarely even looked at my father or me, and I began to fear that he would never be able to forgive us. He both loved and hated Carlisle for changing him, and was surely angry with me for allowing it. He never spoke his feelings but sometimes I could see them cross his stony features.

Some time around a year after his creation I caught myself staring at his face. It was so perfectly sculpted and beautiful, sparkling in the sun's rays. I couldn't think of any vampire, or human for that matter, whose features so held my attention. But within a quarter of a second his expression wrinkled into a scowl directed at our father.

Carlisle had his face in a book, sitting near a creek just down the hill from our camp. Edward looked very angry, his muscles tensed under some, unknown stress.

"What's wrong?" I whispered slowly.

He relaxed a little then turned to me. "Nothing, Isa, I just… I feel it's time for me to go."

Several long, strained seconds of silence stretched between us while I thought of something to say.

Finally, he spoke again.

"I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me but I need to start my own life. I need to get away from here. You and Carlisle are so set in your ways and I'm just getting started! I want to go find what I'm capable of and stretch my limits. When I was human my mother was very protective of me, she tried to manipulate me into staying home from the war; she wanted me to be a coward just so she could keep me. I love my mother, but she didn't allow me to live my life. Now that I have a second chance, _please_ let me be who _I _want to be, not what someone _expects_."

I froze. If nothing I could say or do would make him stay, then I wouldn't bother. He waited a few moments for a reply but, when I offered him none, he disappeared in the blink of an eye.

His departure was followed several seconds later by a rush of wind carrying Carlisle's scent, telling me he'd returned to camp. He dropped his book and knelt in front of me, keeping a comfortable distance between us.

"Was that Edward I saw rush off so quickly?" He asked breathlessly.

I nodded slightly, covering my face with my hands.

"Did he mention when he'd return?"

Unexplainable sobs raked through my body, making it difficult to respond.

"Edward _is _returning, isn't he Isa?"

I shook my head between sobs, reality crashing in.

Carlisle dropped to his bottom on the ground, wide-eyed with disbelief.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded again, silently thanking Carlisle for asking yes or no questions. There was no way I could speak around the gaping hole that seemed to have opened in my chest. My dead heart felt as though it had been ripped from its connections, leaving in its wake pain and emptiness.

We stayed there frozen for quite a while, perhaps even days. My chest ached more and more with each passing hour, and I knew just sitting there surely was making it worse. In spite of this, I couldn't bring myself to move. We must have looked peculiar sitting there in front of each other, two statues, staring off in different directions.

After an immeasurable amount of time I heard rustling in the bushes. Immediately my head snapped in the direction of the tree line, scanning the forest for the source of the sound.

"Isa, I think it best that we get out of sight. Let's return to the house in Chicago, we can figure out a plan once we've settled."

We ran to our house in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. Moving and traveling didn't seem to help at all with the pain in my chest. When we reached the house I collapsed into a fit of dry, crushing sobs on the couch in my old room. A year's worth of dust, which had collected on the fabric of the couch, shot into the air filling it with millions of tiny dust motes.

My body shook violently with strong emotion. I felt like I could go on crying for several days and I may have. When I finally finished I had no idea how long I'd been that way. I walked into the living room to find Carlisle on the couch reading a newspaper. There was a stack of them on the table, at least a week's worth. I had never in my existence cried for so long. The hole in my chest seemed to fill somewhat, but I knew it was there. Every time I thought of him it opened again.

"Are you feeling better, my dear?" Carlisle asked me sadly over the top of the paper.

"Yes, I suppose. Carlisle, what were you thinking about while you were by the river? When he… you know."

"I'm not exactly sure. I remember thinking about the Volturi and the things we learned while in their library. I thought about Edward's mother," I cringed at the sound of his name, "and her dying wishes. I can't remember much else. Why do you ask?"

"He gave you a nasty look, and when I asked what was the matter he told me he needed to leave and start his own life."

"Ah, I remember now. I was making future plans. I know he was ready to live more normally but I wasn't sure how to make it work. I was considering having him enroll in a high school, which I didn't think he would be too keen on doing. But Isa, I was only considering it, not making plans for him."

"I know Carlisle, you can't control your thoughts all of the time. He'll learn eventually that he can't take every thought seriously."

We sat in silence for a while, not knowing what to say. I worried that the once strong relationship Carlisle and I had would crumble under the emotional stress of abandonment.

"What should we do father?" I asked weakly, "We can't stay here long."

"Yes, I've been considering that. I imagine we can stay at least a two years, we really hadn't been here long before…well, before we left."

"I don't think it would be wise to say longer than a year, I'm already having to pass for a 26 year old and I can't stretch it much farther. And I'm sorry Carlisle, but you don't look a day over 23 and you're supposed to be in your early thirties!"

"Of course, you're right, I'm not sure what I was thinking…"

He placed his face in his hands and sighed.

It wasn't normal for either of us to be so helpless. Usually ideas bounced easily between us, each fueled by the other. After the boy left, the creative environment was depleted and Carlisle spent a majority of our time in silence. We hunted as necessary, no longer drawing any joy from our most natural of activities.

Life went back to normal, though, which proved to be somewhat comforting. The re-introduction of routine and structure into my life made things easier to handle.

Carlisle and I remained in Chicago for another year before moving to a different city, back to the first house we inhabited after my accidental creation.

Fixing up the house in Ashland also did well to keep my mind off of the entire situation. We left a note for _him_ at the house in Chicago, letting him now where we'd gone. Our biggest fear was that he would come back and not know how or where to find his family.

I went back to school under yet another name, starting again at the BA level. Luckily for me I could – and do – go back to school every decade and live in perfect bliss. I was always happy when I was learning something. Of course I enrolled in yet another Anthropology program, earning high marks in every class as usual. And though I maintained my grades, I didn't feel as satisfied with my studies. It was like any joy I might have felt in the past was stripped from me.

I finished my newest Bachelor's degree in record time, around two years after starting. Never sleeping made it easy to finish quickly – I took more than a full load during the school year as well as summer, weather permitting of course. During the summer I mostly stuck to evening classes to avoid the sun.

Nevertheless, I had to be cautious. I always matched the pace of the highest achieving human so as not to appear unnaturally hard working. With the boy gone I had to keep myself busy constantly to avoid the hole in my chest.

I started a Master's degree at the age of "twenty", since I started my BA as an 18-year-old. A group of Archaeologists at my school were asked to conduct summer excavations at Machu Picchu near Cusco, Peru, and they invited me to join the research team. According to them I was young, fit, and talented, the perfect candidate for their particular research team. They offered me the opportunity of a lifetime, even my eternal one, and I turned it down.

Machu Picchu had been a sincere interest of mine since its discovery in 1911. Carlisle and I had once made plans to visit it after our time in Chicago was over. The creation of the boy put a wrench in our plan, but we'd hoped he would go with us when he was ready to be around humans.

The idea of visiting the city without _him_ and Carlisle was a sad one. Carlisle had also expressed a lack of interest in traveling, something that at one point we both loved dearly. I knew Carlisle wished he could have taught Edward his knowledge, traveled with him and watched him mature. He loved Edward as a song already when he was human, a love that was magnified with his change to our world.

And though we hoped time would heal the wounds left in the boy's wake, the years continued to pass, each hard that the last. We returned to the house in Chicago again after I finished my master's, leaving a note for the boy with regards to our new location. When we moved again, I found a university to continue my education, to earn yet another Doctorate of Philosophy in Anthropology. I decided this time to focus on paleopathology, the science of understanding causes of death in ancient populations based on evidence in skeletal material.

Burials had always been of particular interest to me, one especially. When Carlisle changed me I had just come across a very unique burial, and was so caught up in my excavations that I didn't see him coming. Admittedly, though, I was only interested in the artifacts I found there, like many archaeologists of my time. But I was beginning to understand the importance of the actual buried individual as well, and so were many other leading experts in the field. Paleopathology was just gaining momentum, and I wanted to a pioneer of the subject.

Yet even new innovations in Archaeology, something that has never failed to excite me, couldn't lift my spirits. With the boy gone, life just seemed dull.

And so the years continued to pass with no sign of the boy. After another three years I finished my PhD and was offered a teaching position at the school, which I, of course, accepted. We knew we could only stay in the city for another two years, at which point we'd move and I would start the cycle again.

I'd hoped that the end of the 20's, the beginning of a new decade, would bring me some peace of mind. I hoped that I would no longer miss the brother I never had the chance to know, and I vowed to myself not to let _him_ ruin the rest of my eternity.


	4. Chapter 4 Coming Home

**The characters and some situations in the following story are the creative property of Stephenie Meyer**!

Chapter 4

Coming Home

In late 1929, halfway through my final spring semester as a professor, we hunted not far from our home in Chicago after paying a visit to the old house. It was nearing our time to move again, start fresh in a new city, so we wanted to leave _him_ an updated address.

We had spent the entire evening in silence as was usual after Edward's abandonment. I had missed my friend Carlisle immensely, and was only beginning to realize the ill feelings I had toward the boy for destroying my relationship with my father.

"We need to move on, Carlisle." I said forcefully after draining a deer completely of its blood. The lifeless corpse lay on the wet earth beside me.

"Yes, I know. We can no longer live grieving someone who cares not for us. Why should he? We changed him for our own selfish reasons. We should have known better than to bring someone into this life unwillingly."

"He would have died Carlisle. If he refuses to feel gratitude to us for saving his life then so be it, it's his loss. We did him a favor and if he refuses to see it as such then he does not deserve to be with us." I nearly spat the words. I was so _angry_ with him for leaving. He had caused me incredible pain, and I continued to allow it to affect me. I no longer wanted to feel devastation.

And then _he_ spoke.

"You're right, I don't."

Carlisle and I froze in unison. The velveteen voice came from somewhere within the woods, not far away but not exactly close either. He was keeping his distance. _Good idea_ I thought. I was angry. Why had he chosen to come home now that I was resentful instead of just heartbroken? Why had he come home at all after so long?

I growled loudly. Hopefully he heard it. Carlisle shot me an angry look. Of course he would expect me to welcome the boy home with open arms after a decade of pain and emptiness.

"It's alright Carlisle, I deserve it. I come in peace, if you'll have me." He said gently. He sounded different than before, wiser. He was now around 28 years of age including his years as a human, almost 30. If he were still human he would easily be considered a grown man. I hoped he'd learned something in his time away, like how to be appreciative to those who are around to help.

"Show yourself!" I hissed.

I heard him before I saw him, his feet rustling in the leaves on the ground. He slowly stepped out of the tree line and into the small clearing where Carlisle and I sat, our meals still lying on the ground. Edward's eyes were bright orange-red. He had fed recently, though he had consumed the blood of animals for his last hunt. It was obvious from how much red colored his eyes that he had not been feeding on animals for long and in fact had been living on humans. This sickened me.

"I see you learned nothing from us and decided to slaughter innocent humans for your own satisfaction." I accused with acid in my voice. "Your eyes are red, though it looks as if lately you have tried to redeem yourself."

"Unfortunately, you're correct. I have been living off of the blood of humans since I left you a decade ago. Though in my defense my prey were more evil than you or I. Men who slaughtered, tortured, and terrified their own kind for amusement and arousal. Sociopaths, serials rapists, killers. Slowly I began to realize it was not my place to decide which humans should live and which should die. I began to feel the guilt you spoke of before Carlisle, the guilt I would feel from taking human lives. When I decided I would no longer spill the blood of humans I was drawn to rejoin my family. I wasn't sure how you would react to seeing me again. Please, I beg you, forgive me and allow me to be a part of your lives?" He stared directly into my eyes as he spoke.

Obviously Carlisle had already forgiven and forgotten, as was his way. Considering Edward could read his mind I'm sure he already knew he had our father's support. I'm sure Carlisle found the boy's god complex to be noble and redeeming. I, on the other hand, felt nothing but disgust and betrayal.

"I will support Carlisle in whatever he decides." My voice was cold as I said this. Before I finished my sentence I turned and began to walk back toward our house not far away. Yes, he could stay, but I would pay him no mind.

I could hear Carlisle whispering to Edward as I left. "She'll come around my boy, don't worry. I've known her for a very long time and I know that deep down she's very pleased with your return. We have both spent the last decade wallowing in our own pain over your leaving. I'm sure now that you've been a part of our world for some time, you must understand the pain that we felt after you left. Although we both knew from the beginning that there was a possibility you would not want to stay with us, we never thought you would reject us as easily as you did."

I paused momentarily to hear Edward's response.

"I know Carlisle. I realize there's not much I can do to make up for my mistakes. I learned to appreciate your lifestyle and how many innocent lives you have saved by abstaining from our natural prey. I would understand completely if Isa never forgave me for my callousness, but I hope that you may at least be able to accept me back into your family. I know I will be spending the rest of eternity atoning for the pain I caused you both."

His voice began to crack and audible sobs raked through his body.

"I'm so, so sorry Carlisle, and Isa if you're still listening. I was ungrateful and rude and I sincerely apologize. I love you both immensely and have missed you greatly during our time apart."

I could no longer hold my tongue. _How dare he?_ I thought.

"How dare you say you love us" I spat. "You didn't even allow yourself to get to know us. You were a stranger to us when you left and you're a stranger to us now. Strangers hold no love for each other. I will tolerate your presence but do not expect me to be welcoming and loving as you obviously do."

"Please, Isa, I expect nothing. I _hope_ that you may one day find it in your heart to forgive me, but I certainly do not _expect_ you to do anything. Please come back so we can talk some?"

"No, I'm going home. You can speak to me there." With that I sped off toward our house.

I couldn't understand why I was so angered by Edward's return. Perhaps it was the feeling of abandonment I'd suffered through since the moment he left; the feeling of failure at not being able to successfully incorporate someone into our family; the pain of regret over changing someone who did not want it. I was aware that the entire situation was caused by my and Carlisle's actions, but I didn't care. The boy had every right to leave the way he did but that didn't matter. I never left Carlisle's side even though I was a perfectly happy and healthy adult with my entire life ahead of me when I was changed. I had better reason to abandon Carlisle than the boy but I stayed regardless.

My thoughts were seething as I reached the house and headed directly to my room. I heard Carlisle and Edward arrive not long after. They spoke in hushed voices in the living room. So quiet in fact, I had to press my ear to the door in order to make out their words.

Edward was still sobbing. It made me sad to know he was hurting as well, but mostly I was happy the tables had turned.

"I don't mean for her to hate me Carlisle. I don't know what's wrong with me but it hurts so much. I understand her anger but I'd hoped that by returning it would make up for at least some of the pain I've caused you both." More sobs tore through my brother's throat.

My face contorted into a mocking expression. He spoke as if he believed that by coming back it would just make everything better. I couldn't _believe_ him, walking in and expecting everything to be okay. I understood Carlisle's quick acceptance, the impulse to keep him here, but at that moment I wanted him to leave.

"Isa does not hate you, my son. She's simply angry. _Very _angry, and resentful. She loved you, Edward, before you ever opened your eyes. She did not want me to change you at first. Between the two of us, at the time she was easily the more rational. She feared your reaction and was worried you would reject us. She gave in to my desires for a son and I believe she grew more attached to you than she had originally planned. So you can see your rejection was the realization of her worst fears. When she was human she had no strong ties to anyone but her parents. As an immortal she had only me. She was reluctant to let you in, but she opened herself to you regardless. Isa had never opened herself emotionally to _anyone_ but myself. She never spoke of it but I know she viewed you as the friend she never had. She became protective of you immediately and it's possible that her feelings run deeper than I originally thought. Whether you were aware of it or not, your rejection solidified her belief that she's inadequate and undeserving of companionship in any form. As a human she was a woman in a professional role, something that is still rare but much more common than when she was alive. She never gained the respect of her peers although her work was considerably more accurate and objective than her male counterparts'. Her papers, which were regarded as simple female imaginings, are now being used in lectures in universities across the nation. Though she teaches her own work to students now, over a century later, she still views herself as inadequate, again a belief solidified by your abandonment. I'm not telling you this to increase your guilt but simply to help you understand."

Not another word was spoken by anyone in the house until the next morning. I spent the rest of the night hours preparing my lectures for the next day, as well as considering what I had overheard of the conversation in the living room.

Carlisle believed my anger came from a feeling of inadequacy. I wasn't sure if he was correct, but at least he had an explanation to consider. I had no idea how to begin to understand what I was feeling. All of these new, unfamiliar emotions were confusing to me. What I did know was that I was still upset, despite my confusion. Though, admittedly, Edward's remorse soothed the newly opened wounds.

He sobbed nearly the entire time Carlisle spoke. Perhaps he really _did_ feel badly for abandoning us. Despite his actions, I could not deny that I wanted to get to know him now that he was a willing part of the family. Likewise I couldn't deny the anger and hurt I still felt from his rejection. The least I could do was apologize for the way I reacted the previous evening. Though I was angry, I certainly did not want to give him reason to abandon us a second time.

I left the confines of my room after dressing for the day. We kept up with the style of the times. If I were to walk around in the fashions of my day there's no doubt I would attract attention. It would be even more so for Carlisle. Women in the late 20's were aware and proud of their sexuality and abilities. They dressed very differently from women in the 1790's and 1800's. And though I kept up with the styles, I dressed far from what would be considered "fashionable".

When I entered the living room Edward was lying on the floor in the middle of the room. He sat up to look at me when I approached with saddened eyes. He looked truly tortured by guilt and sadness. There was something else there as well, perhaps longing.

"Good morning, Isa" he said cautiously. His voice was rough and hoarse, like he had been crying all night. It was possible he had.

"Good morning, Edward, I trust you're well." I said somewhat curtly. I left him no time to reply, "I leave for work in an hour so you'll be alone until I return. Until then, I wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday." I sat down on the couch. As soon as he realized my intention he jumped from the floor and sat across from me.

"I don't blame you for feeling –"

"Please let me finish?" I interrupted, " I just want to say everything I need to before you respond. I was very rude last night and I'm sorry. Carlise was correct in his deduction that I'm very hurt and confused. I'm not even sure exactly what emotions I'm experiencing but I do know I'm very glad to see you are safe. Of course I could have assumed as much but I was worried nonetheless.

"That being said, I'm still hurt that you left to begin with. When my life ended I was in perfect health and a very good age. I was almost finished with the fieldwork for my original master's thesis. The night Carlisle bit me I had just happened upon a burial that seemed extremely important. I was so engrossed in my new find I didn't notice I was in danger. Despite it all when I first opened my eyes and gazed into the tortured, guilt stricken gaze of our father, I couldn't leave him. He didn't mean to condemn me to this life and I know he still hates himself for it. I've reassured him many times that I enjoy the life we have together and am grateful for what he did. I _was _truly happy and now have lived long enough to gain the respect and freedom of my male colleagues. But for the last decade none of that has mattered. Carlisle and I rarely speak nor do we ever do research or go to lectures. These are all things we used to do and hoped you would enjoy with us. After you left the thought of doing anything without you seemed wrong. I tried so hard to be your friend during your time with us but you never bothered to return the effort. You never loved us. So why have you come back now?" The longer I talked the easier the words came. As I finished I began to break down and cry.

Edward looked like he'd been hit by a train. His eyebrows furrowed, casting dark shadows over his oriole-orange eyes. Though it was hard to tell I'm sure I saw venom glistening in them from beneath the shadow. His perfect lips were turned into a frown and slightly puckered. He held his arms around his chest so tightly it looked like he would snap his own ribcage. It took him several moments to compose himself enough to respond to my question. When he did it was slow, deliberate, and barely more than a whisper.

"I have come back because I _love _you. You're my family and I can't do this without you. I've almost returned several times, but each time I decided I was not ready to control my thirst enough to be with you. I wanted to be sure I wouldn't slip once I returned. After spending the last month hunting animals I realized I needed you both more than ever in order to gain that control. I am completely ashamed of the time I was away and the things I did. I see every face of every person I've killed with perfect clarity and I can't make the images disappear. I should have listened when you warned me. I do not deserve your forgiveness but it's what I want more than almost anything in the world. I'm so sorry."

"I can see in your eyes that you are sorry but I'm afraid it's not enough. The important part is that you show me that you truly mean to be a part of this family. If you do I will forgive you in my own time. For now I must leave. I have class until early afternoon at which point I'll return." He stood when I did, always such the gentleman, to walk me out. When we reached the door of our home I placed my hand on his shoulder, then lifted it to smooth his fly away hair, a small smile touching my lips. I felt vibrations rush up my arm from my fingertips as I touched him.

"Don't worry, I'm beginning to forgive you already" I whispered quickly under my breath in hopes he would not hear. I then rushed from the house before he could respond.

Work that day was long and tedious. Though I enjoyed teaching I had more important things on my mind. My brother was home waiting for me to return. He'd smiled slightly when I referred to Carlisle as _our_ father. I was beginning to believe he had come home for the right reasons. After my first class was over I decided that we would spend time together that night. I wasn't sure what I wanted to talk about but I wanted to get to know him. Hopefully he wanted to spend time with me, too.

The minutes ticked by but eventually I made my way home. When I reached the driveway I noticed that hundred of small flowers created a pathway up the porch and through the front door. I made my way into the living room, the pedals lightly crunching under foot. The walls were completely covered in wildflowers from floor to ceiling. Every different color in the surrounding floral population lined the room. Every surface had flowers and candles huddled together to create the most wonderful effect.

Bright, soft light filled the fragrant air, thick with a hundred different perfumes all mixed in perfect harmony. A small present wrapped in the most beautiful paper lay on the floor at the end of the flower trail. It wasn't too large, about the size of a shoebox perhaps smaller, but the presentation was breathtaking.

"Edward?" I called out to the seemingly empty room.

"I'm here… will you open it?"

I wasn't sure what to think. I hadn't received many gifts in my time, and I wasn't sure I really liked getting them. My instincts screamed danger, I couldn't see him and if he planned to attack me he would have the upper hand. A very quiet, low growl rumbled in my chest as I grabbed the package quickly and began to unwrap the paper. I couldn't imagine what it could be, but when I finished and saw it I gasped.

"A music box? Oh, Edward, it's _perfect_." It was the most beautiful mahogany box with gold inlays of the sun and moon and clouds and stars. The tune it played was mesmerizing, like a tiny orchestra playing Claire de Lune from somewhere within this small space. It was the best gift anyone had ever given me. I continued to stare in awe at the intricately carved symbols on the small box. A sign of his dedication to his family, much like the heavens in its eternity.

"If you don't like it you can say, I'll try not to be too offended." His tone sounded sad, though I still could not see him.

"I said it was perfect, did I not? It's beautiful, I _love_ it."

He appeared in front of me suddenly with a smile on his face.

"Good… I just wanted to make sure you liked it. As you said before, I don't really know you well but I'd like to change that. Would you want to go somewhere to talk?"

"I would like to stay here, what you did with the living room is fantastic. Would that be okay?"

"Absolutely!" He sat down on the couch and motioned for me to sit as well. My eyes were still examining every detail of the gift he gave me as I plopped down next to him. I made it play over and over, savoring each twinkling note. No one had ever given me anything like this. Sure, Carlisle gave me things but nothing so thoughtful.

It suddenly occurred to me that the symbolism may have been lost to him, and the seemingly meaningful gift was simply an attempt to coax me into friendship. I wanted to believe he saw the symbolism, but I couldn't help my residual anger.

"I was hoping you'd take the symbolism as a promise…I'll never leave you again."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind?" I joked. He looked confused for a moment so I clarified. "I was just thinking about the symbolism and whether or not it was intentional."

He laughed and smiled warmly. He seemed pleased at the synchronization of our thoughts.

All joking aside what he said affected me so deeply that if I could have cried, I would have. Although he didn't know me he somehow found something that was exactly my taste and turned it into a meaningful symbol. He had my curiosity piqued. Though he was admittedly much older than the last time I'd seen him, he was much wiser than I expected him to be, certainly more than during his newborn year.

"So, will you tell me about yourself?" I changed the subject.

"What would you like to know?" His mouth turned up in a crooked smile that made his eyes light up. He'd never smiled much before, it was pleasant to see.

"I don't know, what are your interests?"

He laughed without humor. "I'm not sure anymore. For the last year I wasn't able to do much besides hide during the day and hunt at night."

I breathed in deeply to savor the natural floral perfume that saturated the air.

"Well, do you remember your human interests? Carlisle said you wanted to be a soldier."

"Ah, yes, more than anything. I was young and foolish then" he replied, his voice thick with meaning. "I am a lover of music. For the last decade I have had books and music as company. If I had a piano I would enjoy playing that. What about you?"

"Well, of course archaeology is my passion but music is also. That's why this gift is absolutely perfect." I held the box up in my hands and smiled widely.

"I'm glad you like it. Have you opened it? It's also a jewelry box. I wasn't sure if you had much jewelry already so I got some to fill it. They're inside." He beamed at me. "Do you wear jewelry usually?"

I opened the box and was blown away by what I saw. Several necklaces and bracelets, rings and hairpins were jumbled together. Rare stones and ancient designs made up the small collection. "Where did you find these?" I asked breathlessly.

"I got them from various places. I don't want to tell you too much, it's supposed to be a secret." He said.

"Well, they're beautiful! I usually don't wear jewelry to answer your question, but it's never too late to start I suppose." I smiled at him. "I didn't think I could appreciate something like this so much." I picked up one of the necklaces. It was made of naturally shaped jade beads, every few of which had designs of the Maya carved into them. "Surely these are not actual artifacts?" I asked with a disapproving tone.

"No, but they're the best replicas money can buy." He said with a smile. "Don't worry, I knew better than to give looted artifacts to an archaeologist." He laughed. "I got these upon my return from Brazil as I was passing through Central America. I stopped in various places collecting eclectic ancient jewelry for you. I'd hoped you would give me the opportunity to give it to you one day."

"Thank you, Edward." I gazed into his intensely and unnaturally colored eyes. I could tell he truly wanted to be a part of the family and had for some time. I could no longer deny the fact that I was ecstatic at this realization.

I stood and moved to sit next to him on his couch. When I sat I reached over to squeeze his hand. His face beamed as I leaned in to embrace him.

"I'm so glad you're okay" I choked, hugging him tighter when he began to sob.

"I'm so sorry I left, I regret it so much I can't explain it. I should have stayed. Maybe then I would pure and true, like you. Instead I'm a monster who kills innocent people for no reason. I do not think I deserve to even be near you or Carlisle, especially not loved by you."

"Edward, despite how much you have grown since you were here with us, you are still young. You needed that time away to discover yourself. It's something that would have needed to happen even if you remained human. Your time at war would have molded you into the man you were meant to be. Though fate took that chance from you it still needed to happen somehow. This lifestyle will have meaning for you now that it is your decision."

"That's easy for you to say, you've never killed anyone." His face distorted in pain and shame. "I'm a monster Isa. Compared to me you look like a saint."

He really did regret his decision to leave, and surprisingly I was suddenly very grateful for his time away. Though he spent his time killing people who would otherwise be wreaking havoc on their fellow humans, he still viewed himself as a monster. He could have potentially saved hundreds of lives by his actions, but he didn't see that. To him he'd spent the last ten years killing people who had no chance of defending themselves. He was a good person and had become even better during his time away.

"You say that now but I believe as time passes you'll see that your actions ultimately serve the greater good. Your remorse is proof that you are no monster. Others of our kind kill for pleasure without a second thought, and sometimes for sport rather than need. You are here, drowning in guilt when in fact in the process you inadvertently saved anyone who may have fallen victim to your prey. You potentially saved hundreds by killing the scourge of the population. If you have to do something as gruesome as killing people to survive, you may as well make the world a little safer in the process. Obviously I don't expect you to accept that now, but maybe one day you'll appreciate it for what it is."

"I don't understand how you and Carlisle can accept my actions so easily." He responded, still looking tortured and completely disgusted by himself. "I'm grateful that you're so forgiving, but I don't understand it."

"It was not easy! Not for me, at least. Carlisle was probably proud of you as soon as you told us of what you'd been doing during your time away. I, on the other hand, was disgusted. I saw what you did as being no better than killing randomly. I very much did not want you to stay last night, but now I know that if you left again I would be devastated." I said matter-of-factly. "After the initial shock and anger of your return faded, I realized how much good you'd actually done even if it seemed evil. Things are usually not what they seem."

He looked as though he felt somewhat better. I'd hoped my words would ease his guilt. We sat in silence for a few moments, each lost in our own thoughts. I was thinking about the previous conversation, as well as something we might do to pass the time. Then I remembered something he'd said.

"You play the piano?" I asked suddenly.

He chuckled and half-smiled. I swore if he could blush he would have been.

"Yes, I do. It's been a while since I've played but I have a feeling that with vampire senses it will be much easier." His smile widened to its full extent. It was incredible to behold.

_I knew one day he'd get the vampire jokes_ I mused to myself. The feeling of my own ridiculous smile made me giggle and if any trace of pain was left on his face, it was certainly gone after that. His eyes seemed to glimmer with happiness and…_completeness_.

We both jumped when we heard the sound of Carlisle's car on the driveway. For several moments we just sat there staring at each other with large smiles. I'd forgotten that I had a reason for bringing up the piano.

"We should buy a piano tonight! It would be wonderful to have one here since we have someone who can play it well." I smiled warmly at him. He was still smiling from earlier.

"Wait, can you play? You said that like you can." He raised his brows as he assumed an inquisitive look. Now _I_ felt like blushing. I covered my face with my hands out of habit.

"When I was human I dabbled. My father played so we had one in our home. I was never very good, though." I replied honestly.

"I doubt that. Besides, now you're over a century old with perfect dexterity. I'm sure you'd be better now, too."

"Anyway, we digress. Would you or would you not like to get a piano this evening?" I asked to hide my chagrin.

Carlisle entered the living room and gasped. I had almost forgotten about the candles and flowers that transformed the space so completely.

"Good evening, father, how was your day?" I asked brightly. I could see the surprise on his face at coming home to such a peaceful atmosphere. I couldn't help but giggle again. Our happiness infected Carlisle as well and soon we were all smiling brightly, staring at each other in awe.

Finally, we were a family again.

"My day is now perfect, thank you. How was your day, Isa? Edward?"

"Great!" we replied in unison, then gaped at each other. Carlisle chuckled.

"Good, good. So I hear we're going to get a piano? I think that's a lovely idea, but Isa, no piano vendor is open this late in the day."

Of course not, the sun would be setting in an less than an hour. Most places closed far before sunset.

"Of course it is, I don't know what I was thinking!" I laughed, perhaps a little too loudly.

The feeling of happiness continued for the rest of the night as we sat around swapping stories.

I didn't have any classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays, so Edward and I were able to go to the piano store the following day. Luckily for us it was quite overcast and we were able to shop without disruption. The instrument was delivered right away by our request and we spent the rest of the day taking turns playing. Occasionally we would play a song together, but he was considerably better than I. Though I did find it much easier, it still was no piece of cake. Edward, on the other hand, was incredible and after a while I let him serenade me with every song in at least half of the songbooks we bought. Eventually I moved to the couch, Edward continued to play while I lay reading about a skullcap found in China that could belong to a human ancestor. It was terribly interesting. Edward's gentle music was the perfect backdrop to my reading. This was how Carlisle found us when he returned home that evening.

He was still pleased to see his family complete again and I had a feeling that our obvious comfort with each other improved his mood even more. It was as if we lived in a euphoric bubble after a decade of suffering. I was sure Edward didn't feel quite as good as Carlisle and me, but I knew the wounds he inflicted on himself were healing. One day he would get over his guilt for the things he did.

From what I could gather since his return, he seemed to beat himself up over things. Of course he could have been lying about all of it, but he certainly looked as if he was tortured regardless. I trusted that Edward was not lying about his feelings. A very, _very _small part of me still felt resentment, but I pushed it down with ease. The past was done and we had an eternity ahead of us.

I decided to speak a few minutes after Carlisle was home and settled.

"I think we should do something soon, as a family. Can we go dancing or to a jazz concert? I feel like we should be doing something to experience the culture of the decade. It's almost over and they change so much each time a new one comes round."

Edward and Carlisle laughed before Edward's face turned serious.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to be in a busy club... or anywhere busy, for that matter. I was having enough trouble at the piano shop." He admitted ashamedly.

"I wish you'd told me! You should have waited in the car." I scowled at him. He wasn't going to slip, not under my watch.

He looked down and muttered "I wanted to impress you."

"Well, I _was_ very impressed. But please, next time tell me so you don't accidentally do something that will make you feel worse? I don't want you to hurt any more than you already do, and you would feel especially guilty if it was due to lack of control. I'll stop lecturing you now," I said with a grin, "I guess I just worry about you."

He smiled back and looked me in the eyes. "Thank you for worrying," he said, "Eventually I'll be okay around humans."

And eventually he was.


	5. Chapter 5 Esme

**So the first two chapters disappeared from my document manager. I'm pretty sure you guys can still see the chapters, but if you can't will someone please let me know? **

**This is the part where I tell y'all that I'm sorry I've been lame and that it's taken me forever to get this to you. I'm getting married in three months, studying for the GRE, etc. and life has somewhat caught up with me.**

**I hope you all enjoy! If it's bad let me know, or if it's good I like to hear that too :) All characters and situations in the following story are the creative property of Stephanie Meyer and not mine. I wish though.  
**

Chapter 5

Esme

The beginning of the 1930's marked a horrible time in American history. Everyone, vampires and humans alike, hoped dearly that the forties would bring the economy back to the surface. My family and I kept to ourselves during that time. Of course Carlisle continued to work, but Edward and I mostly studied and explored. We spent all of our time together since neither attended school, though that didn't mean we weren't learning. He and I together learned several different languages. He'd already learned to speak Spanish and Portuguese during his time in the south, and I spoke French. It was customary, during my human years, for a child with a proper upbringing to be fluent in French. We each taught the other our languages then together learned several more including German and Arabic. The aspect I loved most about being a vampire was the potential capacity for knowledge. I'd never dreamed that I would be able to speak six languages aside from my own.

Some time around nineteen thirty-six Carlisle came home in a rush with a screaming woman in his arms. He looked at Edward and I apologetically as he laid the broken woman on the cold floor.

"I'm sorry, I had to act. She was about to die and I couldn't let it happen. She was a patient of mine when she was younger. She's very kind and loving, I couldn't just let her die." He replied with pain in his voice. His distress was obvious – Carlisle rarely repeated himself. I could see the crescent shaped bites on her wrists from where he'd bitten. Of course, I immediately reacted.

"Carlisle! What is this? We've been through this, what if she wanted to pass on? How did she injure herself so completely?" I asked.

He looked ashamed. I haven't seen my father so broken since the day he accidentally changed me.

"Was this an accident father?" I asked tenderly.

"No my dear, this was no accident. My actions here were completely selfish and uncalled for. I was hoping she might take me as her mate." His face distorted in pain. "I can't imagine what you must think of me."

I was blown away; I never realized a mate was something Carlisle desired. I shouldn't have been so foolish to assume that he didn't have the desire just because I didn't think about being mated. I wondered momentarily if Edward thought about it but I guessed not since he always seemed content when we were together.

"Carlisle, that's not selfish. I didn't realize it was something that you desired, otherwise we could have found someone for you long ago." It made me sad that Carlisle wanted a mate but never mentioned it.

"No, I didn't know either. When I saw her lying there it immediately came to my mind. It was something I had considered long ago, but after living through the pain and guilt caused by changing you, Isa, I knew my only chance was to find a female vampire. After two centuries of searching I have yet to find one, besides our family in Denali, who is not a monster. But this woman, her name is Esme, she's one of the kindest most pure individuals I have ever met. She is truly caring and wants nothing more than a family to love. I know we can offer her what she needs, but I'm worried she will not return my affections. I'm also worried she'll hate the demon she will become. Of course I didn't think of any of this before biting her, I just acted. I couldn't let her die." He cried. He truly cared for this woman and I hoped she would care for him as well.

We waited for her to awake. Carlisle left only long enough to resign from the hospital where he was currently working. He never left again once returning to her side. When he came back, Edward and I went to hunt so he could be alone with his potential mate. After we were satisfied, we stayed in the woods for a while. There was a small field that broke up the dense forest where we liked to spend time, especially when it was sunny. We sat in silence, watching the sky turn from day to night, both lost in our own thoughts.

I was thinking of Carlisle and Esme. If she was every bit of what my father thought, she was going to be a good fit. She would, should she decide to stay, become my mother of sorts. Though I'm incredibly older than her she'd be mated to my father, putting her in a motherly position. Judging by what Carlisle told us of her caring nature, I'd hoped it would make her happy to have two 'kids'.

"Do you think she'll like us?" I asked Edward quietly after some time.

His brow furrowed in deep thought. "I can't be sure but I hope so. Carlisle seems to be good at choosing his family, even when on accident." He smiled at me.

"Yes, I suppose he is." I smiled back. "He certainly did a good job choosing you, and I imagine choosing a mate would be much more involved. I just hope that she doesn't refuse his love. He said he treated her as a patient once, maybe she'll remember him."

"Have you ever thought of having a mate, Isa?" He asked me suddenly. It caught me off guard.

"No, I haven't. I'm not exactly the most attractive woman and I don't know how to act like a proper wife. No one has ever asked, either, though I would probably say no regardless."

"Why is that?" He spoke quickly, giving me the impression that he was very interested in the conversation.

"I suppose I would be extremely uncomfortable in that situation and would not know how to react. While I envy the thought of Carlisle having someone I don't ever see myself in the same position. I've always felt content with you and Carlisle and have never felt I needed more in my life to make me happy. The idea of having a mother does make me happy, though. More happy than I'm ready to admit." He smiled at me, though sadly. I wondered why but did not question him.

Some time after twilight Edward jumped suddenly from his place on the Earth beside me, causing me to jump.

"It's time!" he exclaimed. He extended his hand to help me up from the ground, but I didn't need it. I jumped up quickly and we ran to the house together. Usually he would have already beaten me to the house, but tonight he slowed his pace to stay with me. We wanted to be there before she awoke so she wouldn't be startled by our approach. When we arrived Carlisle was crouched over her, waiting with bated breath.

She awoke slowly, much slower than Edward or myself. It was as if she knew she wouldn't like what she was about to see. When she finally opened her eyes she smiled as they fell upon Carlisle's worried face.

"Where am I?" she asked in one of the sweetest voices I'd ever heard. I couldn't have had any idea at that moment how much I would love the woman on the floor. She maintained her smile as Carlisle introduced us to her, nodding slightly. Her gaze drifted over Edward and myself, not an ounce of fear or anger behind them.

Carlisle tensed when she absent-mindedly began rubbing her throat as she smiled kindly up at us.

"It's lovely to meet you, but I must say I don't understand how I got here. The last thing I remember is jumping off a cliff and then burning!"

She spoke of her unpleasant death with a large smile on her face. Edward looked sad for her, his brows furrowed in concern. It made me curious as to what he was seeing in her mind. Surely her life had been difficult if such a kind-natured person attempted suicide and succeeded. Compassion seeped out of every inch of her and I knew that she would accept this new life and family with ease, even if she had once considered our kind monsters. She had a family to love, and by the sparkle in her eye when she looked at us, she knew she was home.

"I remember you," she said as she turned to Carlisle. "I broke my leg when I was sixteen and you mended it. You look exactly the same as I remember you." Her eyes were wide and sparkled with adoration. It was obvious that she was going to make Carlisle a very happy man.

"I did, my name is Carlisle Cullen and I found you after you fell. Though unfortunately, this time I couldn't mend your wounds." He said solemnly.

"I don't understand I'm here aren't I? I don't feel any pain at all except in my throat. You must have done something?" She grabbed her neck again as she said this, which allowed Carlisle a distraction.

"We can make your throat feel better if you'd like, before we start talking. Would you like to do that first?" She nodded numbly. It looked as though she would do anything Carlisle wanted as long as he was with her.

We told her what she'd become after her first hunt. At first she was rather taken aback but slowly got used to it, as we all did. Killing anything is always hard for someone so caring. She was certainly thankful that it was us that turned her, as opposed to _normal_ vampires. That life certainly would have been miserable for her.

Esme turned out to be an easy newborn. Her compassionate nature made it easier for her to control her thirst. Despite the fact that we lived in the woods where she could have drank as much as she wanted, the idea of hurting animals bothered her and she only hunted when her need was great. Since she insisted on hunting so rarely we waited longer than normal before exposing her to people, just over a year. Esme would have been crushed if she lost control around a human; we weren't going to let that happen at any cost.

Eventually, though it took some time to be legally married with a ceremony, the happy couple made their vows and we moved back into the house. We only stayed there long enough to let the newlyweds get the "love" out of their system. Newly mated vampires are not fun to be around, and there were nights when Edward and I had to leave the house because their sounds of passion were unbearable. I had never been intimate nor had I seen it or heard it. The sounds put images in my head of Edward that I had never imagined before and I didn't understand what was wrong with me.

Needless to say we spent every night in our field deep within the forest.

But, for the first time ever, our family actually felt complete. It was strange for a while to not be the only girl in Carlisle's life, or in the family in general. I had lived with him, just us, for so long. It wasn't quite as strange when Edward joined us considering he was also male, something I was used to. When I was human I had to be strong in order to gain respect, so I usually didn't do well with other women. I knew that no man would want to be with such a woman, so I didn't try. It was never easy for me to act like a proper girl. In grade school (or rather, grade-school-aged, as there was no school in my town) I had no friends; the boys didn't talk to girls and the girls rejected me completely. I was often the topic of gossip because of my failure to acknowledge social roles. It was odd to have a female in the family, especially one who treated me so kindly.

When the happy couple could finally somewhat control their urges, we moved to start over in a new city. Then, not long after we moved, Esme took me shopping. Though the states were in a depression, our family always had money. Carlisle and I were both from somewhat wealthy backgrounds to begin with, on top of which we amassed a fortune during our years that continued to grow exponentially. So, basically, we could shop as often as we wanted. We had always lived rather luxuriously though I held no real interest in possessions. We always had the top of the line of anything one might need in order to appear normal, always the finest clothing and nicest cars. Collecting expensive cars was Edward's hobby, an interest shared by Carlisle as well. I never understood their obsession with cars, though I did understand their need for speed.

Our shopping day was my first time to truly be alone with my new mother. Not long after we finished settling into our house my mother stole me away to change my wardrobe. I reluctantly followed her into a rather chic, modern boutique just off the main drag.

"What's your favorite color, Isa?" Esme asked as she grabbed a dark green blouse from the table and held it up to my chest. She made a face and gently placed it back on the table.

"Usually I wear black, brown, or blue. I don't know much about fashion; I just wear what I must to blend. I usually like to be comfortable." She approached me to take my hands in hers.

"You're very beautiful, Isa, did you know that?" I shook my head slowly, trying hard to hide the smirk forcing my lips to turn. I didn't think it was true, but it was nice to hear it.

Grabbing seemingly random items from the racks and throwing them onto her arm in surprising disorder for this perfect woman, she spoke again.

"I know you have been alive for a very long time and you've never really been told how attractive you are. I also know that you are a very simple woman who cares very much for her work. It's 1939, and women have a much bigger role in the workplace. It's becoming more acceptable for women to be hard workers. You can be yourself now! You will still be respected if you wear a skirt and jacket with a blouse to work. You can still wear your breeches and cotton shirts in the field if you'd like." She winked at me.

When I did not reply, she shoved a handful of clothes into my arms and led me into a dressing room where she continued speaking her thoughts.

"Did you have many girlfriends when you were young?" she asked. I laughed for a moment.

"I had none. My mother died in childbirth so I never knew how to connect with females. My father did the best he could," I smiled as I remembered my biological father with fondness, "but I still ended up living the 'life of a man'. He was proud of me, though he felt as if he'd failed to raise me correctly. I never had many friends of either sex." Despite the worried look in her eyes, Esme gave me an understanding smile while handing me item after item to try.

First I tried a beautiful dark blue, layered dress that fell below my knees, very voluminous and flowing. There was a top layer made of sheer blue fabric and a solid bottom layer of the same color. It cinched tight around my waist with a small fabric flower at the tie. The sleeves were oversized and puffy but attractive. Esme then slipped a long ivory fur coat over my shoulders and shoved my feet into a pair of medium-high heels. I had to admit that I certainly looked womanly in the outfit, the sleeves and skirt puffed out in just the right places to give me the illusion of curves. I was slightly tall for a woman, but not much more than average. My hair was a mahogany color, which fell to my mid-back in messy, curly waves. Usually I kept it pulled back in a tight bun though the new style was somewhat short and very curly. Esme pulled my hair out of its bindings and let it fall freely down my back. She always wore her hair down.

With my hair flowing and the form-fitting clothes I was wearing, I _did_ look somewhat stunning.

I tried on what could have been a hundred more outfits including some rather beautiful evening gowns. After what seemed like twelve hours but was in reality closer to three, we returned home with a car full of bags. The boys stood on the porch with amused expressions before carrying all of our new things into the house.

Esme and I spent a few minutes with Carlisle and Edward talking about our day and asking about theirs. Edward started attending high school in the town where we lived, and apparently it was an exciting day for the humans. I couldn't imagine what it must've been like for Edward to spend hours in such a crowded building, especially when filled with teenagers and their thoughts.

After a lull in the conversation, Esme stood and said that we were all going to go dancing as a family. We couldn't argue with her, she was much too sweet. Normally I hated dancing because I never had anyone to dance with, but now I had a brother who loved me enough not to let me sit on the sidelines. When our mother announced her plans he looked at me with a huge smile and wide eyes. I was speechless. I smiled back but didn't understand why he looked so excited. Ever since Carlisle changed Esme Edward had acted somewhat strange. We were still best friends but he wasn't as happy as he had been. He also spent all of his time with me, only letting me out of his sight when he was at school. I wasn't sure what to think of his behavior, but I knew I didn't mind. I didn't like it when he wasn't around.

Esme grabbed my hand and called over her shoulder that we would be getting ready to go out. _Of course_, I thought, _she only wants to show off the new clothes._ I couldn't argue that my new outfits were beautiful and I was excited to wear them. She dressed me in a rich blue silk dress that hugged my body down to my knees, where the skirt became more full and cascaded to the ground. The neckline was rather low for my comfort, but it was beautiful nonetheless. My mother lined my eyes with black makeup, curled my eyelashes, and ran a mascara brush through them. She handed me a stick of deep red lipstick (which I dutifully applied) before quickly dressing herself. She added the finishing touches to my outfit: elbow-length gloves, several long strands of natural pearls from the collection Edward gave me, and a minx shawl. She used pearl and diamond encrusted clips to pull my hair back in such a way as to appear short and stylish. She slipped on my shoes and we were ready to go.

I walked toward the door but Esme slapped my hand gently. "A lady always lets someone else open the door for her!" she giggled. "Poor Edward always tries to open doors for you and you never notice." She said with a somewhat sad tone in her voice as she opened the door.

Carlisle and Edward had changed into very stately looking suits. Edward was breathtakingly handsome, and his eyes grew wide as they scanned over me slowly. It took him several moments to compose himself, so Carlisle spoke first.

"Isa dear, you look spectacular! Absolutely _beautiful_. I've never seen you in a formal dress, you look incredible." He smiled hugely and pulled me into a hug.

"Carlise took all of my adjectives," Edward chuckled, "but truly you look amazing." He stared at me with intensity, his golden eyes burning into mine. Then he turned and offered me his arm. I smiled widely and took it allowing him to lead me to the car.

We danced until the jazz club closed that night. It was an incredible feeling dancing all night long. I had never gone to the club before and I definitely planned on going back. Something peculiar was going on while we were there, though. Several human men asked me to dance, which had never happened to me before. I guessed that the way Esme dressed me and fixed my hair and make-up made me look attractive to them. They certainly seemed to be taken aback by me, and I didn't quite understand why.

When we got home Carlisle and Esme went immediately to their room on the other side of the house leaving Edward and I alone.

"I think I might change." I said with an embarrassed look on my face. I tugged on the dress and grimaced which made Edward chuckle.

"Me too" he replied.

When I returned to the living room I was wearing a set of pajamas Esme let me buy earlier in the day. I left my hair and make-up alone. Edward was sitting on the piano bench, touching the keys every now and then in what sounded like the beginnings of a melody. He wore a set of khaki breeches and a cotton undershirt. He was rather stunning in the low light, leaned over the piano with a furrowed brow. He looked so troubled which I didn't understand, but seemed to brighten up a bit when I returned.

When he looked up, his smile stretched across his face. If I could have blushed I would have. I suddenly felt ridiculous.

"I feel ridiculous," I spoke my thoughts aloud, "earlier I didn't but now I do. I suddenly realized how absurd it is for a vampire to wear pajamas!" I laughed loudly. He laughed too, and we sat there gripping our bellies for several moments. His face turned serious again quickly however, and he turned back to the piano.

I debated with myself whether or not to ask him, but my curiosity won, "What's wrong Edward? Is everything alright?"

He smiled but it didn't touch his eyes. "I don't know, Isa, but I don't really want to talk about it. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, it's just… you can't really help me and I don't want to burden you with my problems. Please don't worry about it?"

"If you insist!" I said with a smile. I hoped he would get over it, whatever _it_ was.

I pulled out a very old edition of _Jane Eyre_ and pretended to read, but really I was thinking. I wondered if Edward was jealous of Carlisle and Esme's love. I'd heard that vampire love was the most incredible, all encompassing feeling. Was that what Edward was longing for?

I didn't bring it up again, but his mood continued to bother me. I wanted Edward to be happy, but I couldn't help if he wouldn't tell me the problem. I decided that if I ever found a young, pretty girl in mortal peril I would bring her home for Edward. He deserved a nice girl who would take care of him.

Esme's easy acceptance of this life encouraged me to think that it would be okay next time, too. I continued to read, planning Edward's future without his permission. I acknowledged that my feelings toward him were somewhat more than typical of siblings. His presence brightened my moods. I often felt anxious being away from him and when we were together I often found myself admiring his features. I could easily spend every moment of every day with him without complaint. He made me feel content and happy. But, just because I felt that way didn't mean he felt the same about me. I never allowed myself to be attracted to anyone because I knew no one would return my affections. Why would Edward be any different?

Why was I even considering it? I couldn't imagine that some deeply buried part of me wanted Edward as a mate. I'd never wanted _anyone_ in such a way, certainly not my brother. I was only thinking about these things for Edward's sake.

I decided that regardless of what I may or may not want, Edward's happiness was most important and it was my job to ensure that happiness. I didn't understand my feelings for him and I wasn't going to try, but I was going to do everything in my power to make him happy.

A suddenly audible, hushed conversation between Esme and Carlisle distracted me from my thoughts.

"I tried to make her see herself differently in hopes she would understand, but she doesn't see. She's oblivious to his torment and the situation at hand." Esme said to Carlisle almost silently. I barely heard it. I didn't understand what she was talking about but Edward cleared his throat loudly and began to play his melody at full volume. This effectively drowned out the rest of the conversation. The only part of the statement that stood out to me was "She is oblivious to his torment and the situation at hand", and considering Edward had not wanted the conversation to continue, they must have been speaking of him. So, Edward was tormented… What this had to do with me seeing myself clearly I wasn't sure, except perhaps they expected me to help him find a mate.

Though I wasn't sure of much, I was certain of one thing: I _would_ find Edward a mate, regardless of my own feelings.

Edward deserved happiness, and I would provide him with it at all costs.


	6. Chapter 6 Rosalie

**Yay! Time for another decent sized chapter! I hope you all enjoy. Thank you all for your kind words and speculations! I'm happy that ya'll like my story enough to theorize about it :)**

**Oh! And give thanks to GeeAnnaB for reminding me to post!**

**All characters, etc, are property of Stephanie Meyer... but then again, you knew that.  
**

Chapter 6

Rosalie

I was walking home from the university that I was attending when I saw her. It was 1946, and I'd decided it was time to get my degrees again under a new name. I'm not sure what motivated me to change my routine of the last 150 years but I decided to specialize in paleoecology. It was something I was always interested in but never pursued because I was too interested in archaeology. I really enjoyed my classes. That night I stayed late studying – and waiting out the sun – at the campus library. Unfortunately the sun had come out in full force during late afternoon and I was stuck there until after sundown. I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I lost track of time and ended up staying much later than anticipated.

On my way home I caught the scent of human blood flowing freely, a _wonderful_ smell. I followed the scent instantaneously, an automatic reaction. I had to find the source of that sweet smell so I could drink every last drop of it.

I started into a crouch for the hunt and immediately caught myself.

I instantly felt shame, which doubled at the sight of the source of the blood. She was absolutely stunning with her long blonde mane and absurdly long legs. Unfortunately though, at that moment, both her hair and legs were splayed across the pavement and bloodied. She was going to die.

I didn't hesitate in my decision to change her for Edward. Carlisle would have done it, too, considering her condition. She was stunning, even in her state, and everything that Edward deserved. As a human she was as beautiful as a vampire. Once changed, she would be worshipped for her beauty.

I lifted her wrist to my teeth before a second thought and bit, pumping venom into her veins while draining none of their livelihood. I didn't notice how strong I'd gripped her until I dropped her arm and saw the hand-shaped bruises already forming.

Immediately I felt regret. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. After three fourths of a second I realized I needed to take her home out of sight as soon as possible. I ran with her in my arms and thought about Edward. I wondered what he would think of her, whether or not he would _like _her. It wasn't until then that I thought about _her _and felt the guilt plague me again. What had I done? If she hated me she would have every right. My family would have every right. If she needed it I would leave so she could at least try to be happy. She was writhing and screaming by the time I got to the house. Edward and our parents met me on the porch.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked with a bewildered expression. I had never bit a human and I couldn't imagine how shameful it must've been for him to think I had slipped.

I walked past them and laid her on the floor, then turned. "I was coming home from school when I smelled blood" I was so ashamed of the next part of the story I let it show in my expression, "I hunted her at first when the scent caught me off guard." My voice cracked and I paused to compose myself.

"Isa, you have never bitten a human, no one can blame you for one slip" Edward said soothingly. "That is to say no one is perfect, but you're as close as it gets." He smiled his beautiful crooked smile and looked upon me with loving eyes. Eyes that always looked tender, but now that tenderness seemed to speak to me. I suddenly realized something about which I had been denying myself:

I wanted Edward to want _me_ as a mate.

That realization shocked me into panic and I became a living statue. I knew they were waiting for me to continue but I didn't want to tell them the reason why I bit her. I didn't want him to want her. I knew I was not as pleasing to the eye or feminine. I shared the interests of males, and men normally want women who act as they should.

The girl could make him happy in ways my ancient self could not, and all I wanted was his happiness. With that, I unfroze.

When I allowed my gaze to fall back on my family I saw that they, too, were frozen.

"I stopped myself quickly," I said slowly. My statement was met by confused looks.

"I realize this was hypocritical," I nodded in apology to Carlisle, "but she was dying and I had to help. Also I was hoping Edward might…_like _her." I looked down in shame.

What I was not expecting was Edward's reaction. He was staring angrily at Carlisle who was returning his glare with a look of regret. I looked at Esme who was staring at the girl on the floor. It appeared as though she was going through some kind of inner conflict, which caused her smile to falter ever so slightly. Edward continued to stare at Carlisle who was no doubt talking to him silently. After several moments Edward's expression softened as he hung his head, turned, and walked out of the house.

"Are you not pleased?" I called to his back. He paused momentarily but continued to walk without looking back. My eyes widened completely. "Where is he going?" I turned frantically to Carlisle, panic seeping into my tone. Carlisle turned to Esme and muttered something quickly under his breath.

He then turned to me and said "Come with me, dear."

"Are you angry with me?" I asked loudly.

"Absolutely not!" Esme exclaimed. She was immediately before me, pulling me into her arms. "No one is angry! This girl is a gift! I'll soon have another daughter." She smiled warmly at me then turned to tend to the girl.

I followed Carlisle into his study and stood by the window, staring in the direction of Edward's departure and hugging myself tightly. It felt like a giant hole opened in my chest again, as it did when he left all of those years ago.

"Is he coming back?" I choked.

"Yes, Isa. He left so I could speak to you privately," he said calmly.

"About what father?"

"You may want to sit." He said. I did as he suggested.

"It was very thoughtful of you to go against your beliefs to make your brother happy, but unfortunately it was rather unnecessary."

"I don't believe I follow you." I said.

"No I didn't expect you would. We all know your story, Isa. We know what you had to struggle through and what those experiences did to you. This may seem like an odd question, but have you ever…_been_ with anyone? Emotionally or physically?" He spoke slowly and chose his words carefully.

"I have no experience with any kind of relationship other than friendship and familial love for all of you" I said. "What's going on, Carlisle?"

"What are your feelings toward Edward? He's not here so you can be open." He said caringly.

I knew I needed to be honest. I had caused so much damage without knowing how and the only way to fix it was through full disclosure.

"If I'm being honest… I don't know. I have many feelings that I can't classify, many of which have been there since I first saw him. I know that he has been unhappy for some time and I thought having a mate may change that. All I want is for him to be happy."

I paused for a moment as Carlisle eyed me curiously, a hint of excitement touching his features. He waited patiently for me to continue.

"I can't deny that minutes ago I may have come to the realization that I might be _in love_ with him. I can't be sure, but it no longer matters. He would be insane to not accept her as his mate. She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen and it will only become more potent. She's also soft and feminine and the perfect wife for such a perfect man." I had to justify my actions if for no one but myself. I noticed suddenly that I was more speaking out loud to myself than to Carlisle.

It felt strange to say I _loved_ someone out loud, at least in this context.

I also hadn't noticed that Carlisle's expression had turned to pure joy during the course of my spoken revelation.

My attention was jerked to the window as I saw out of the corner of my eye the slightest of motions. Before I had time to process it, Edward was standing in front of me and Carlisle had left the room. Edward's eyes were scorching into mine and his face was lit with joy.

"What's going on Edward? Are you pleased with my choice to bring her home?" I asked, not sure how I wanted him to reply.

"I'm pleased that you care for me, though I wish it didn't take you going against your beliefs for me to see it. You're so hard to read _Isabella_."

"No one calls me that." I said, embarrassed. I didn't want to admit the way it made me feel when he said my full name. "And…I'm not sure what you mean."

He sighed and his sweet breath washed over me, begging me to come closer. His smile stayed fixed despite the conflicting gesture.

"I heard what you said to Carlisle about your feelings for me. You said you might love me, do you mean that?"

"I'm not sure what I feel but I know it's more than friendly." I said sheepishly. "Do you not like the girl?" I asked, hoping he would say –

"No, Isa, but thank you for your consideration."

I was not expecting that, just hoping for it. "Are you blind?" I asked, "She's perfect!"

He took a step toward me, closing the distance between us slightly. He was close enough to touch and I found myself desperately wishing to do just that.

"I guess I am blind in a way. I'm in love with someone else, Isa." He looked at me imploringly.

"Who could you possibly be in love with now? Is that why you've been so sad?"

"I've been sad because I didn't think you loved me back."

He didn't speak again for several moments, I assumed to let me absorb the meaning of his words. He was still staring into my eyes as he took yet another step forward. I couldn't think, nor could I believe his words.

"I know that you've never been with anyone and neither have I. You have always been the only one I see. Do you think you might be able to return my feelings? I'm willing to wait forever if you just need time. Are you willing to try?"

I was frozen again, and I wasn't sure when I would resurface.

Over the years I had become very skilled at controlling my vampire thought processes, but not at that moment. My thoughts ran in a million different directions all focused on the same fact.

Edward wanted me as his mate and that thought terrified me. I had never been with a man, never been _unclothed_ around a man. I had never had feelings for anyone, not even as a human. The _idea_ of touching Edward was overwhelming now, and he continued to move closer. Did I want this? For so long I thought not, but the idea of Edward holding my hand in his and gently brushing his lips across my cheek sent waves through my body, effectively bringing me out of my coma of sorts.

As soon as I regained my bearings I smiled at him. "I will need time" was all I could muster.

His smile became impossibly large and he pulled me into a hug. I jumped back quickly, wrenching myself from his arms. He looked crushed. For a moment when he held me, I could feel every inch of his body on mine. The sensation sent electricity shooting up and down my limbs, permeating every life-giving cell.

"I'm sorry, please have patience? I wasn't expecting it to feel like that." I smiled and giggled slightly. This brought joy back to his face.

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

I slowly reached forward and touched the back of his hand with my forefinger, then pulled back. A thought had occurred to me.

"Aren't you supposed to date and get to know each other before making vows?" I asked naively. He laughed freely, which instantly calmed and confused me all at once. It must have been evident on my face.

"I'm sorry, it's just we've lived and spent nearly every moment of the last 16 years together. I just thought you already knew me well enough. I've had feelings for you since I first changed, but only recently has it turned into an emotional and physical longing. Since Esme was kind enough to join our family and bless Carlisle with physical comfort." We both smirked. _Physical_ comfort, indeed. I could hear faint snickers from the living room.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" I asked.

"How long have you known your true feelings for me, since you bit the girl an hour or so ago? How would you have reacted to the truth before?"

Immediately I knew the answer to that if I was being honest. "I wouldn't have believed you and pushed you away. I'm still not sure if I'm imagining things. I probably wouldn't have allowed myself to return the affections and possibly would have left just so that you could find someone better."

"Promise me you won't do that even now." It wasn't a request it was a demand.

"I don't think I could now." I whispered. His face could not possibly have gotten any brighter.

"Would you like to go to the living room and wait for our newest sister?"

I choked and Edward noticed. My face contorted in pain over what I had done to the poor girl. He looked at me sadly.

"I'm not sure I'm ready, I think I want to lay down in my room for a while. Will you come?" He wasn't expecting the invitation and quickly followed me out of the study.

When we were in the hallway I looked toward our parents and smiled. "I'll be okay soon, I just need to rest if that's possible. I think I'm going to close my eyes and pretend to sleep. I'll put those pajamas to good use." I smiled even wider. Then I looked at Edward and walked into my room, leaving the door open for him. I changed quickly in my closet and emerged in a soft flannel nightdress and housecoat.

I had a bed in my room because I enjoy reading while horizontal. Edward perched himself at the foot of the bed while I stretched out on it and closed my eyes.

"Can I lay next to you?" he asked.

When he saw my worried look he clarified "I'll make sure to keep my distance." He said with a smile. I nodded giving him permission, then closed my eyes once more. Once he was next to me I immediately wanted him closer. Instead I started a conversation to distract myself.

"So you never had a girl during your human years?" I asked.

"No," he replied, "All I cared about was my family and the war."

"Then why me? I'm nothing compared to Esme or the poor girl I doomed to this life. I hardly act like a girl should and I certainly don't hold the same interests as those who make good wives. I don't have much to offer."

"That's what you don't see, Isa, you're _already _what I want! We spend the same amount time together as Carlisle does with Esme only we don't do certain _other _things. I was content until I was forced to think about it." He smiled sheepishly and cleared his throat as more giggling erupted in the living room. "Since Esme started dressing you it's been impossible to resist, you're incredibly alluring. You're a pure soul and it's you and Carlisle that make me believe in the good nature of our kind. You most of all, who had never tasted human blood before tonight, were able to bite without drinking a drop. The icing on the cake, Isa, the triple threat is I can't 'hear' you. You keep me forever guessing and your centurion mind works in ways I can't fathom. It's maddening not knowing your thoughts, but because of it your reactions are always captivating. I will never grow tired of unlocking the secrets of your mind."

I smiled at him again before turning my head back flush. I wasn't exactly sure how to respond to him, but I knew I wanted to touch him and this time I was ready. I reached over, slowly sliding my hand along the mattress, until my pinky met his. With my eyes closed I moved my hand closer still, and soon I was sliding my fingers in between his. My smile was so wide it should have hurt and if my heart could beat it would have been in overdrive.

I sighed audibly on accident and he chuckled.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I replied, "It's just intense."

"I know what you mean." He whispered nervously.

The feeling of his skin against mine had always done strange things to me but this was different. I had read some about human love and how even the slightest physical contact was electric between lovers. This was much, much more than just that. I could feel his touch penetrate my nerves to the bone all of the way up my arm. I shuddered at the feeling but didn't pull away. He rubbed tiny circles on my thumb with his, each time sending more waves of sensation and pleasure radiating through my body. It took all of my self-control to contain the strong desire bubbling up within me.

We stayed like that until the sun came up. When the first bits of light began to filter in through the windows I jumped from the bed without warning. Edward froze and watched me with surprise.

"I need to change clothes," I told him timidly. "Can you give me a minute?" I asked.

"Of course, Isa, I'll be outside."

When he left the room I felt the emptiness return a little and I wondered if it would be that way every time we were apart. I dressed slowly to allow myself time to think. It was strange having him in my room. When I was human it was extremely inappropriate for a woman to be in the same room as a man who was not her husband without a chaperone. While I understood that I was above human social norms and laws, I still could not help the feeling of guilt I felt for not at least having left the door ajar. I knew that it was ridiculous but it was important to me. It was part of who I was and I didn't see how I could help that. Edward and I always spent our time in common areas of the house or outside, never behind closed doors. And yet, despite my earlier sentiments, I could not deny it was odd and exciting how private and intimate it felt to be lying on the bed together where no one could see.

My train of thought made me desire to see him again so I finished dressing and stepped into the living room. Carlisle was away, resigning from the hospital so when the girl awoke we could leave. Edward was sitting at the piano playing something lovely and looking completely breathtaking.

"That melody is beautiful, Edward! What is it?" I asked when he noticed my entrance and looked up. He smiled widely at me.

"_You're_ beautiful, love, and I wrote it about you. I'm glad you like it."

If I could have blushed I would have. The song was resplendent and lovely. "Thank you," I replied breathlessly.

The girl on the floor had stilled several hours before I was able to face her. She looked peaceful and intensely attractive. Esme had obviously cleaned her and changed her clothes. Her flesh wounds had long healed though her bones no doubt were still mending.

Guilt, pain, and self-disgust were all I could feel as I watched her lovely face twitch in pain. I hated myself so much for what my ignorance and innocence did to her.

"How can I still be so naïve after so long?" I asked as I watched the girl. Esme floated to me instantly to wrap her arms about my neck.

"You're innocent and pure and good. That's not bad! This girl is young and stunning and shouldn't have died yet. You've given her the opportunity to continue living." She said dreamily, no doubt thinking of her own savior and mate.

"Can we agree to leave out my other motivations when she asks why I did this to her? I'm sure it would be extremely difficult to accept that she was supposed to be the mate of someone who doesn't want her. Plus, I don't want her to know how stupidly I behaved."

Edward and Esme agreed not to divulge my secrets after shouting their protests that I wasn't stupid. We all knew it would be for the best if she did not know.

"I'm prepared for her to hate me, I just hope it's not too much." When Esme released me, Edward stepped toward me, extending his hand for me to take. I almost took it but realized I wanted him closer. I grabbed his hand, pulled him gently toward me, and wrapped his arm around my waist.

His face was surprised but ecstatic. Esme smiled brightly at the both of us, happy to see her children of sorts finally realizing their desires. The sensation of his touch ran up and down my torso, radiating throughout my body.

I was not used to this feeling. The normal sensation of touch was also intense but something I was accustomed to, though admittedly after being a vampire for so long I rarely touched _anyone_. This new sensation, on the other hand, was completely unfamiliar. I assumed that my body was hypersensitive to him due to my attraction. Judging by the shiver I felt run through his body he, too, was unaccustomed to it.

He held me close to his side with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. The radiating sensation was still strong, only after a few moments I found myself wanting more. I needed to be closer still. I didn't understand the need, but I knew that at some point I would have to give in to that desire.

Truthfully that idea scared me the most. Besides opening my heart and mind to him, I must also give him my body. I knew he would never force me into anything I didn't want to do and that it would happen only when I was ready. What worried me was the fact that I was already feeling that need.

Neither of us looked at the other, we both kept our eyes fixed on the girl on the floor. After several long minutes we heard Carlisle's tires on the driveway. Esme went out to meet him – they were going to hunt before the girl woke up.

This left Edward and I practically alone, considering the girl was unconscious. I looked up at his face, which looked somewhat stressed.

"Are you alright?" I asked. He nodded slowly.

"I'm just concentrating on my self control." He said as his lips turned up into his crooked smile. I felt the urge to kiss him but I fought it. Though my body craved closeness, emotionally I was not ready for that.

"Should I step away for a moment?" I asked though I didn't actually want to break our connection.

"No!" He responded quickly. "Please don't! Nothing will happen until you're ready, I just don't want to let you go yet." I felt his fingers dig into me slightly and the action sent shivers through me again. It made my desire even greater knowing he didn't want to break our contact either. It felt strange standing beside him when we were the only ones in the room so I turned to face him. The only other time we had been so close to each other was when we went dancing with our parents the night Esme first took me shopping. I easily could have kissed him but I smiled and stared in his eyes instead. He lifted his other hand, the one that wasn't around my waist, to brush my hair off of my shoulder. Using the same hand, he tucked a few runaway strands behind my ear then ran his thumb down my jaw line before placing it on my other hip. Waves of electricity pulsated through my skull and down my spine. I shivered yet again, and he chuckled. I smiled timidly at him as my hands, which had been resting on the tops of his elbows, began to slide up his biceps to his shoulders. Before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my head into his shoulder. I needed his comfort and he sensed that. We stood there for a while, tightly embraced. He rested his chin on the crown of my head and I nestled farther into the crook of his neck. After a few more moments I spoke, my voice muffled by his shirt.

"What do we do now?" I asked. He pulled me back and held me at arm's length.

"What do you mean? The same as we've always done of course. Would you like to listen to me play piano? Or we could play a game of chess. I believe we still have some research to do for our most recent find."

We were reconstructing a prehistoric bird whose skeleton we found nearby to pass the time. We had most of it pieced together, but it was beginning to look as though we might have found a new species. We had to do more research in order to find out.

"Yes I supposed we could do one of those things while we wait, but I was referring to the future." I said plainly.

"Well, we'll have to wait and see, love. I won't do anything you are not comfortable with. I'm just happy to be near you. The night we danced all of those years ago was the best day of my life, with the exception of last night and today. If there's ever a time when you'd like me to leave you be, please just let me know. I can't promise I won't be at least slightly hurt," he added, "But I want you to trust me and be comfortable. Please, don't feel pressured into anything, take as much time as you need."

"I think I'd like to do this the right way." I said quietly, "My soul is probably already cursed. I admit, though, I've always hoped that if I had a chance at getting into heaven one day my virtue would be God's only cause to accept me. If I'm going to lose that virtue I want it to be under _his _circumstances," I pointed toward the heavens and paused while Edward choked back a laugh.

"I want to get married first, Edward."

At first he didn't know where I was going with my talk of heaven. As I finished my thought realization changed his expression from somewhat mocking to pure elation. His eyebrows shot up toward his hairline and his smile stretched from ear to ear. He looked down bashfully.

"I never thought I would get married. I'd always wanted it if I found the right girl. The fact that I never found her during my human years dashed my hopes of marriage. Before last night I wasn't sure you would ever love me the way I love you. I also wasn't sure how you felt about marriage knowing how you feel about social roles and what not. I thought I would live an eternity without knowing how it felt to be married. All I want is to take care of you Isa, I _want_ to be your husband. And I want to wait until our vows have been made as well… you're not the only one who's inexperienced in that respect." He smiled bashfully and I knew he should have been blushing.

I felt somewhat better after our conversation. I sat on the piano bench with Edward and while he played, I thought about the events of the last few hours. As long as I was not hurting him by taking my time, then I could be happy and truly go at my own pace. I knew it wouldn't take long for me to be ready but it would certainly seem long to a human. It would take me weeks to be okay with kissing him, much less going any farther. I didn't want to get married until I knew for sure I was ready. Since I had lived so long believing that I would never be in this situation I had never even considered the thought of what it would be like to be involved with someone physically. Even in puberty there were no boys that elicited impure thoughts in my mind. No one ever tried to kiss me, nor did I seek anyone who would. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. After having lived as long as I not much is left in the world to experience for the first time. The idea of this being something completely unfamiliar was terrifying.

"I love you, Edward." I said after some time. He looked at me, beaming. I could have sworn his eyes were sparkling.

"I love you too, Isabella." He replied quietly. "I have – and will – always love you."


	7. Chapter 7 Denali

**All characters and what not in the following story are the creative property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**This is the part where I apologize profusely for how long it's taken me to get this chapter out. You know how it is, life can get a little crazy sometimes. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! The next one should be coming soon :)  
**

Chapter 7

Denali

Carlisle and Esme returned not long after the girl's heart began to race. We were relieved when they arrived – if they'd been much later it could have been after the girl awoke. Newborns are very alert and feel threatened at the slightest movements. There's no doubt if our parents had arrived after her eyes opened she would have attacked them first and asked questions later.

"Isa, how long has her heart been speeding?" Carlisle asked in a professional tone.

"Not more than half an hour, father. You've arrived just in time." I said.

He checked over the girl on the floor then turned to Edward and I and smiled. His eyes dropped briefly to find our hands clasped tightly between us before looking back up.

"I can't express how pleased I am to see the two of you together. Edward's been waiting many years to tell you the truth of his feelings. I'm sorry he didn't tell you sooner Isa, but I wasn't sure how you'd handle it. He wanted to talk to you about it as soon as he returned from South America, but when he told me of his feelings and desire to make you his wife and mate I warned him to give you time. I was hoping eventually you might see that you were drawn to him as well though I was unsure how long it would take. I knew that you viewed yourself unworthy of marriage and after so long I was beginning to believe you would never think of it on your own. I'd hoped that living with Esme and me would give you the idea, perhaps hearing our nightly activities would insight some kind of desire inside of your long dead heart." He smiled apologetically then winked at me before turning back to the girl.

"You did a very good job with her, Isa, she's healed completely. I'm sure she'll be gaining consciousness soon. I'm not sure she would have made it if you'd drank from her, she'd lost so much blood."

He paused for a moment, looking into my eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. His expression was a confusing mixture of surprise, love, and pride.

"Isa, the first time I tasted human blood I was almost unable to stop. You almost died that day. You are the most extraordinary creature I have ever met. You have never bitten a human in the 130 years you've been a vampire and the first time you tasted blood on your lips you didn't drink a single drop. I can't find the words to tell you how proud I am of you. You deserve happiness and although I'm sure you believed you were happy before, there's nothing like the joy of having a mate. Trust me, Isa, you know how long I lived before Esme. I don't want you to live any longer without that kind of happiness for yourself. The same goes for you, my son. I'm excited for you both." He beamed.

Edward looked elated and pulled me closer, wrapping an arm around my waist. Carlisle stood beside Esme with his arm around her shoulder, and we waited for our new sister.

After another half hour, her heart sounded as though it would burst from her chest, then sputtered, and died.

Worry began to boil inside me when her eyes didn't open. Several more minutes passed and she remained still, eyes closed, deathly. In my impatience for her to awake I made a terrible mistake. Just as a human would do, I carelessly shifted my weight from one foot to another. As soon as I moved I knew it was a bad idea.

The newborn flew from the ground and grabbed me around the throat before anyone had a chance to react. She pinned me against a wall by my neck, her vibrant red eyes glaring into mine. She wanted to kill me, but she wasn't sure how. I could see the confusion on her face when she realized that the force she was exerting on my throat should have decapitated me. The wall behind me began to give way, and small pieces of plaster dust fell to the floor.

The girl didn't know it, but she was close to severing my head from my shoulders. I attempted to scream but my windpipe was crushed.

Then everything went black.

While my brain stem repaired itself, I _dreamed_. I hadn't dreamt in so long I couldn't even remember what it was like, but I didn't remember it feeling so real.

I was in a bright field during daylight, dressed in a light sundress. For a moment I'd hoped I was dreaming about being human, but when I looked around I could see thousands of tiny rainbows of light bouncing off my skin.

I sighed and examined the field more closely. What I thought was a field was actually a bright meadow in the middle of some very green, mossy woods. The meadow was filled with wildflowers of all colors, and it was easily one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.

As I walked around I became less confident that I was alone in this small utopia, and I began to grow cautious. A twig snapped behind me and my defenses kicked in. I whipped around so quickly that my surroundings blurred, and when I stopped I found myself face-to-face with Aro, the most powerful of the Volturi leaders.

I tried to scream loudly but no sound came from my efforts. Then, I felt the pain.

I writhed on the ground whimpering for several moments before I realized I was back with my family. Edward watched in horror as I grabbed my throat and attempted to cry out in pain only to be thwarted by my broken neck. The newborn nearly took my head. Luckily she wouldn't have gotten far with it, but I couldn't imagine how excruciating that would have been. I was already in enough pain, and intense pain at that.

I was only vaguely aware of my surroundings by this point. Though vampires heal quickly I had suffered a large amount of internal damage. She'd effectively severed my head from my neck, only she hadn't torn through my thick outer shell; my skin was the only thing holding my head in place. I could feel the nerves and tendons repairing where they had snapped under her hold. Several cervical vertebrae and my hyoid bone had also been crushed and were now reassembling themselves. She had been only a fraction of a second away from severing my spinal cord completely. Only a newborn could decapitate a vampire with a single hand. I stayed on the floor while my family tried to calm the girl down.

When I'd found her in the street she'd been alone, though it was obvious she had been beaten. I'm sure she was very scared and confused, and I could not blame her for hurting me.

But _God_, it _hurt_.

"Where the hell am I?" She screamed though I only barely heard her.

"You're safe," Carlisle said soothingly, "No one will hurt you here."

"Then why are you holding my arms?" She continued to struggle against their binding hold. Esme moved to help when she knew I would recover. She grabbed the girl tightly around her waist.

"Because we're not sure we can trust you to not hurt _us_. We're only here to help you, we saved you from the alleyway. Well, Isa saved you. When she found you it was obvious you were close to death. I won't ask you to relive that memory now but can you remember your name?"

"Rosalie. Rosalie Hale." She flipped her hair as she said this, which I assumed was a human habit left over from her life.

I was still in immense pain but I was becoming more aware and my hearing was starting to clear. I felt a gust of wind filled with Edward's scent brush my face, announcing his presence at my side. He gently placed one hand on my back and one in my hand. "Are you alright, my love?" His voice sounded frantic.

I nodded slightly and the pain was immense. I winced and Edward's face wrinkled in pain.

"Just squeeze my hand if it hurts too bad to talk." I squeezed _very _hard. He winced slightly but did not pull away.

"My throat burns." Rosalie choked.

"We can take care of that, but we have to trust we can let you go. Will you attack us?" Carlisle asked tentatively.

"Not if you can help me feel better." She said.

"I promise I can help you as long as you promise not to hurt anyone." She nodded in agreement and Carlisle released her.

Edward accompanied our father on the hunt only to protect him, though he was reluctant to leave my side. He knew Esme would care for me, and only he could protect Carlisle if the girl's emotions were to change.

By the time they returned my voice had returned and most of the pain had subsided. Edward came straight to me once they arrived.

"How are you, Isa?" He asked tenderly.

"I'm better." I winced. It still hurt somewhat to talk. "How did she handle it?" I whispered. Carlisle had taken Rosalie to her room to console her while Esme stood in the doorway.

"Not very well. She didn't want to live. She was attacked and raped by a group of men." I gasped in horror, then winced again. He continued quickly so she wouldn't hear. "The group was lead by her fiancé." He said sadly.

We sat in silence for a moment listening to the angry sobs coming from Rosalie's room.

I briefly wished that she had taken my head and successfully burned it for two reasons: firstly so that she could have expressed her anguish and anger on someone who truly deserved it, secondly so that I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt that had taken me over. Any semblance of happiness left from my emotional union with Edward was replaced with self-loathing in that moment.

She shouldn't have had to deal with this. She shouldn't have been changed. She deserved for her soul to go on as was intended. I froze with stress and Edward eyed me nervously. All I could think about was the poor girl and what I had done.

Carlisle returned from her room a while later. He said that it would take her some time but eventually she would be content with her new life.

"She's torn between liking her new self and despising it." Edward said, listening to her mind. "Though she very much likes the way she looks." He smiled. "She can't stop staring at her reflection."

I remained on the floor, frozen and silent, for the rest of the night. The others planned our trip to Alaska where we'd decided to go while Rosalie overcame her newborn thirst. Edward hesitated when our parents moved to the couch to talk, but eventually he joined them. I didn't want him to leave but I was unable to compose myself enough to stop him.

I wasn't thinking about anything while I was frozen but regret, responsibility, and a little bit of self-loathing. I didn't resurface until the next morning when Rosalie came out of her room in a fit. She was acting exactly as a newborn should, thirsty and angry. She came through the living room knocking things down and throwing breakables at us, screaming that she was thirsty and to make the burn go away. Immediately they took her hunting, it always calms newborns to sooth the thirst. When they returned and she had time to recover and regret her actions, she turned to me.

"Isa?" She asked tentatively. I nodded slightly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, I didn't know what I was doing when it happened. Carlisle told me that you found me. I'm sure they've probably told you my story by now. I want you to know that I don't hate you. While I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole situation, I'm still thankful to you for what you did for me. They told me you've never bitten a human in all the time you've been alive and you broke your abstinence to save my life. I need you to know you have no reason to feel guilty for anything. You did what you felt was right. You've also given me the opportunity for revenge." Her eyes narrowed and her voice turned cold. "Right now the only thing I'm sure of is once I am in control of my thirst I'm going to hunt them down and destroy them. My ex-fiancé will know I'm coming by the time I get to him." She clenched her hands into fists. "I don't want to allow any other part of that bastard into my body, especially not his blood." Her voice was seething with pure rage and disgust. I could feel a newborn mood swing coming, so I decided to change the subject, breaking my silence of the morning.

"Thank you Rosalie, I appreciate your assurances. I promise that once we leave here and you're able to hunt whenever you'd like, you'll begin to enjoy your new life."

"So you've decided where we're going?" She asked, intrigued.

Carlisle stepped forward to answer her question. "We'll be heading to Alaska, there will be plenty to eat and few humans to stumble upon."

"Do we leave now?" She asked.

All heads turned to me, still somewhat frozen on the floor. I stood and nodded, locking eyes with Edward. He moved swiftly to my side but did not attempt to touch me, though I wanted him to. I reached out and grabbed his hand. Despite the worried look on his face, he smiled warmly down at me. I squeezed his hand as a silent reassurance and smiled slightly. I would be okay; I just needed to recover. Rosalie's words had soothed my nerves, though some of the guilt lingered.

We left almost immediately for Alaska. When we left I didn't pack much, except some clothes and all of the elements from the prehistoric bird project Edward and I had been working on in our spare time. Since we didn't know when we'd be able to return, I wanted to make sure we had everything we would need. I wanted to finish the project and introduce the species to the scientific community.

We stopped along the way so Edward and I could hunt. Rosalie joined us, despite having fed just hours before. She could hunt as often as she wanted, and no one was going to stop her.

It was obvious she was trying very hard not to act upset around me and I appreciated that. Though I wanted her to express her feelings I didn't want to know if she disliked her new situation.

We hadn't told the girl yet, but we were actually going to visit relatives in Alaska in a town named Denali. In fact, none of our newest members, Edward included, knew of our fellow vegetarian coven. As we approached I was beginning to feel excited about seeing them. We had not visited them since a decade or so before Edward was changed. I regretted not contacting them sooner to arrange a visit, if for nothing else but to check up on them. The excitement I felt began to lift my mood, and by the time we reached Alaska I was ready to be somewhat myself again; whoever that was, anyway. My new relationship with Edward was confusing and I felt as though I was losing myself to him. In a good way of course, only at the time it was terrifying.

Not long after we crossed the border Rosalie wanted to hunt again. She caught the scent of a mountain lion and darted toward it without a second thought. Luckily Alaska has always been scarcely populated compared to its size, and Rosalie was able to hunt in peace. Esme and Carlisle accompanied her regardless.

Edward started to follow them but my body craved a moment alone with him.

"Don't go?" I asked softly as I reached my hand out for him, begging for his touch. He was by my side and in my arms almost too fast for even my eyes. He pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my waist in earnest. He pressed his lips to the top of my head and held me close, my head resting against his chest. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck with one hand gripping his untamable hair. My face was pressed into the crook of his neck, and he continued to press his lips to the side of my head. The bridge of my nose and eyelids were blessed by the warm, silky feeling of the skin of his neck and a new, stronger wave of goose bumps and electricity raced down my spine.

He was _kissing_ my head. I was terrified, excited, and tempted to do the same to his neck all at once. I froze again, and this time he noticed.

"Are you alright love?" He didn't pull out of our hug for which I was grateful.

"I'm fine." Though my voice was somewhat strained he let it go. For now he just wanted to hold me. He moved his head to my shoulder and our cheeks pressed together as his breath and scent and touch overwhelmed my senses.

I jumped back quickly, but Edward kept his cool. He didn't let his anguish show through his unbreakable façade.

"I'm sorry," I gasped. "It's just your breath, and your skin, and your... _everything_."

"I know, I'm sorry. You weren't ready for it, but before I knew what I was doing it was too late. I just wanted to be closer to you. I'm sorry." He was starting to lose control and his expression flickered for a split second. It happened so fast I couldn't register the emotion, perhaps longing? Torment?

"Edward, you promised!" I said, "I _love_ you, and truly what made me recoil were my _own _desires! I've lived far too long without this to jump in so quickly. My face is rarely that close to anyone but my prey." I laughed humorlessly. "I was already overwhelmed, so your face against mine was just too much, that's all." I said in what I hoped was a comforting voice.

"I know, I'm sorry. I've just been waiting for this for so long I'm finding it harder to control myself than I planned." He grinned. His voice turned to a quick, quiet whisper, "Did you enjoy it at least?" I almost wasn't sure I heard him correctly.

"Of course, Edward! Every time I'm near you it's almost like I feel alive again. I feel more like a human now than when I actually was one. I don't know how long it will take to get used to the change but there's certainly no turning back now." Hopefully he understood the weight of my words and the true strength of my feelings for him. His smile grew which reassured me he did.

Our family rejoined us and we continued our journey to visit our friends in Denali. The sisters Kate, Tanya, and Irina were impossibly old, even older than Carlisle. In fact, they're so old Carlisle and I seem like children in comparison. Rosalie would be safe there, not only because of their wisdom but also their remote location.

"Greetings Isa! Carlisle! I see you have several new members since the last time we spoke?" Tanya greeted us. Ah, it had been far too long since we'd last seen our loved ones.

"It's incredibly rude of us to show up after so long, expecting you to accept us with open arms. Will you forgive us for not keeping in touch?" I asked. She hugged me tightly and smiled.

"Of course, we already have! You've been busy, it seems, and you have a newborn I see?" She asked, eyeing Rosalie curiously. I introduced Edward, Esme, and Rosalie to the sisters as they led us into the house. I explained that we had changed and cared for each one, starting with Edward. They were excited to hear that he and I were to be married and though they're certainly the most experienced people in the world when it comes to sex, they understood my fears and desire to wait. They were also ecstatic for Carlisle who, after so long, had found Esme – his perfect match.

We consider the Denali sisters as our family partly because they share our vegetarian lifestyle. Also because Carlisle and I look up to them greatly: with great age comes great wisdom, and he and I spent several decades with them long ago, hoping to absorb their knowledge. We're the only two covens in our world who do not consume the blood of people. They're dear friends in a world that mocks our compassion for the human species.

All three sisters were intrigued with Rosalie and her beauty. For the duration of our stay they treated her as they would a daughter if they could bear one. I could tell the attention brightened Rosalie's mood, and I was surprised that within weeks of our arrival she seemed quite comfortable and happy with her new self. I was very pleased with her change in mood and felt as if I had in fact made the right decision in changing her. She certainly was more beautiful than I'd ever imagined she could be. I didn't think I could imagine someone more breathtaking than she as a human, but _vampire_ Rosalie was another ballpark altogether. I told her this often, as did the Denali sisters. We couldn't help but compliment her. Every time she flipped her hair or pouted her lip she looked more and more stunning. Edward told me she'd enjoyed that very much. Apparently our doting affections helped her overcome her wavering dislike for her new self.

The sisters told us we were welcome to stay as long as we needed. We decided that staying with our family while Rosalie overcame her thirst was much better than living in the woods, and promised to stay until she felt she was ready.

The house was huge but our coven had now grown so much that there weren't enough rooms for Edward and I to stay separately. Though he never spoke of it, I knew he was happy about the situation. He was too much of a gentleman to admit it since he knew it made me uncomfortable. Of course I _wanted_ to spend time alone with him but I didn't want things to move too quickly. I certainly spent a lot of time in common areas on purpose. When I wanted to be alone with him all I had to do was go into our room and he would dash in behind me. It was sweet actually, and it became harder and harder to keep my emotions and urges under control.

Time moved quickly while we were there, and well over eight months after we moved in with our family in Denali a thought occurred to me. All eight of us were sitting in the living room, each wrapped up in various distractions. I looked around at all the happy faces in the room and lingered on Rosalie's. That's when I realized –

"Carlisle, why didn't we come here with Edward and Esme as newborns? It would have been much more comfortable!" We had escaped into the wilderness, hiding in its depths, foolishly relying on its protection from prying eyes.

"You certainly would have been welcome!" Tanya said. "Though if you'd brought Edward I might have tried to seduce him while he was single." She laughed maniacally.

I growled lightly at her mischievous smile. "Don't worry, cousin, I would _never_ take your mate. That being said you know me, I can't help what I want. Nor can I help what I think." She winked at Edward seductively before running out of the house. Edward looked harassed and disgusted.

"She has a filthy mind," he said, "Once she learned of my gift she began bombarding me with inappropriate images and memories. It's as if she's seeking to seduce me with her thoughts."

I allowed the growl to rip from my throat, I didn't hold back. "How could she?"

"She can be cruel sometimes, Isa, I'm so sorry for her behavior." Irina said, shaking her head slowly.

"It's alright Irina, I'm just not used to jealousy."

I _was_ jealous. I was _incredibly_ jealous and _angry_ with her! I couldn't believe her for doing that, intentionally trying to change his mind, making him uncomfortable. It made me want to leave Denali that night; she knew how long I'd waited for him, she knew how much he meant to me.

Though Edward and I were not "mates", it was certainly in the cards. Even after a year I still had done no more than kissed him on the cheek. He seemed to become increasingly more content with our relationship as time passed and that made it easier. I felt nowhere near ready to go any further nor did I feel pressure from him to do so. We spent most nights cuddling and reading in our bed while our days were spent in common areas.

Rosalie hunted often and though we all took turns going with her, she seemed to enjoy Tanya's company the most. I didn't mind – Rosalie and I were not especially close. The bond between a vampire and their creator, and vice versa, was greatly respected in our world. I felt a strange maternal love for her that I'd never felt before considering I'd never wanted to be a mother. That being said, she was always a bit distant from me though it didn't seem to be purposeful. I felt as if she was always going to resent me somewhat for what I did to her, even if it was only subconsciously.

Close to a year after our arrival in Denali, Rosalie announced that she was ready to test her control around humans and requested we take her to the nearest town. We explained to her that she would have to get used to the scent of blood before she could go anywhere near a populated area, but that we could take her somewhere in the forest. A majority of the population in Alaska lived remotely and kept to themselves, we knew it would be easy to find a secluded house somewhere in the woods. In fact, Kate knew the perfect home not far from where we were staying, but far enough that no one would suspect us.

We all went to offer her our support, and restrain her if necessary. We made our way there after nightfall, under the cover of night. When we approached the tree line surrounding the cabin, we stopped. Edward told Rosalie to close her eyes and listen. She needed to be able to resist the sound of four human hearts pumping delicious liquid through warm, soft veins. I had to admit the sound made even my mouth water if I concentrated too hard.

Then Carlisle spoke, "The easiest way to stay in control, in case you're feeling tempted, is to hold your breath." As he said this two children ran outside to play and their scent assaulted us. Rosalie's muscles tensed but she did not move. It was strange how delicious the smell was to me after spending a year away from humans, but I quickly pushed the thought from my mind.

Rosalie stopped breathing and was controlling herself beautifully – A human would not have noticed her internal struggle. Then, after a few moments, she breathed in ever so slightly through her nose.

Without hesitation she launched herself toward the children. Luckily Edward knew her mind a split second before and was able to throw himself in her path, giving the rest of us time to react. We quickly restrained her and pulled her away from the house. When we were safe from the scent, she regained her senses.

"I'm sorry, I was doing so well, I thought I was under control. I suppose I was too confident when I took a breath, but I wanted to try." She admitted sadly.

"No one is angry with you Rosalie, you did a wonderful job!" I said in a soothing voice. "You did better than anyone could have expected. To tell you the truth, I was feeling tempted just by the sound which didn't seem to bother you at all."

My words seemed to cheer her, and her mood was bright again by daybreak.


End file.
